Update: Chemo 9 & Reflections-Abundant LIFE in the midst of

And the count down to completion of chemo treatments continues...God blessed me to receive treatment #9 on Thursday-more treatments behind me than in front of me. This time prior to chemo I was introduced to a new oncologist that was brought on board to assist with patient care as the oncologist I was seeing has taken on some different roles and responsibilities within the organization which allows less time for seeing patients. I'm really thankful for the new doctor though-very personable and highly spoken of. She did an exam on me and seemed pleased with the progress so far. I'm also still on the daily does of Tamoxifen (the anti-estrogen)-God is still keeping me:-) This time a nurse who I knew but had never seen working in the chemo area accessed my port. I told my daddy when I saw her walking towards me, I was thinking idk about her accessing my port-I've never seen her back here and don't know if she knows what she's doing lol-and you know I was not trying to be the guinea pig but she did a good job. She's one of the nurses that they can place anywhere help is needed. As usual I enjoyed my daddy-daughter time-laughing, talking, soaking up wisdom, and playing flow as a team on his notebook (I always get name mixed up-i-pad type device-yal know what I'm talking about though-lol). This time I did not get delirious afterwards but I was pretty wiped out energy wise. After we grabbed something to eat, I vegged out on my futon for a while. God blessed me to get a short nap in while sitting up (didn't want to lay down because I didn't want digestion to be hindered) and I remember thinking about a couple stops I needed to make before day 2 of the music and fine arts workshop that evening. Sometimes we have to push past the way we feel-this was definitely one of those times but God is faithful. Not only did He bless me to make the stops I needed to make but by the time I got to church He had given me a second wind-His grace is SUFFICIENT-not some of the time but ALL the time. The last time we had a guest clinician at my church was for our annual candlelight worship service. I remember being limited to sitting in and observing from the audience but thankful to be able to do that-that was back in December. Since then God has blessed me to get back in the choir and to be able to participate in the music and fine arts workshop in the choir and in my spot (back row, altos ;-)) I really feel a shift-God is not only restoring but lifting me even higher and blessing me to experience life more abundantly than before the diagnosis-from spiritual growth, to new people He's bringing into my life, to the book He blessed me to get published and that I've already had to start a new order list for just two weeks after getting in my 1st shipment of 300 books. As my daddy says, God just keeps on doing GREAT things! God's Grace, God's Grace, God's GRACE! I was sharing with someone the other day that God has brought so much good out of what He's taking me through-I don't look at this experience-this part of my journey as a negative thing. One of the questions that God placed on my heart in preparation for last Saturday's Single's Real Talk, is whether or not it is possible to experience abundant life-enjoying life to the full while we're yet going through and in the midst of a "storm". The answer is a resounding YES! John 16:33 where Jesus warns us that in this life we're going to have to go through some stuff-we will have trouble but to be of good cheer because He has overcome the world and John 10:10 where Jesus says that He came that we might have life and have it more abundantly, go hand in hand. Our going through; our storms do not silence God's voice; God still speaks in the midst of the storm, we still have God's presence in the midst of the storm. The storm does not change who God is and it cannot not limit Him in any way. The storm does not make us ineligible to be used by Him, and it surely does not mean that He loves us any less. Romans 8:28 still stands-God's word still stands and is not nullified by the trials and the hardships of this life. Glory to God in the HIGHEST!

Chemo #8

Yesterday was chemo # 8 of 17. Just 9 more to go-single digit count down! This time instead of meeting with the lady that assists my oncologist as well as my breast care doctor and is an DNP, MSN, APRN, FNP-BC, before chemo, I met with my oncologist. He explained that since radiation was completed it was now time to start me on the anti-estrogen oral medicine, called Tamoxifen, which I will be on for 5yrs. He mentioned the importance of me not being on it during anytime that I could become pregnant or was planning to conceive and asked me he proceeded to ask me if I was planning to have kids in the next 5yrs. I told him well I have to get married first so as of now I was good-he just laughed and said ok. I asked him about side effects just as an fyi-blood clots(risk increases with sedentary lifestyle and smoking)were the most common. On to the chemo...as I was receiving treatment, a lady who seemed to often have the same chemo day as me came in and as we were talking mentioned that she remembered how weak I looked the first time she saw me when the treatment center was located in a different building. I shared with her that that was my first treatment(and TGBTG for all that He's done since then and the many ways that He has increased my strength). She mentioned that they told her back then that we had the same type of cancer (estrogen and her2 positive). However hers was at stage 3, which was more advanced than mine. She also mentioned that she had had to take a break and reschedule some of the treatments and was still undergoing the pre-surgery chemo which includes the Taxotere (which I too had to take pre-surgery). She'll have the same surgeon that I had too. I told her getting off the Taxotere makes a big difference explaining how it attacks everything that's dividing (which causes the hair loss, digestive issues, etc.) versus the Hercepton and Projeta that target cancer. Prayerfully she was encouraged. So... I was thinking I would be able to go to work after chemo since I didn't have radiation right before it like I did last time...well it didn't quite happen like that. I felt the pre-meds-kick in (that Benadryl is something else) and was fighting sleep for a good portion of the time that I was in there and when I was done,in straight chill mode, I said to my aunt I guess I have to get up now? Lol By the time we got to the car and I sat in the driver's seat with the door still opened I said that stuff (referring to the chemo) made me all giggly this time. No sooner than me getting those words out I started laughing, and laughing, and laughing and then my aunt started laughing and she asked me if I could drive. At first I told her yes but then I changed my mind and told her she'd better drive LOL. side note: it's a family trait on my daddy's side that when we get sleep and delirious we get real silly, goofy, giggly. So that in addition to the Benadryl that they add to the pre-meds did it. Anyway when my aunt started driving I told her she couldn't drive to fast because I had to have time to concentrate and think about which way to direct her while driving. If we were going straight back to my apartment she would have been able to make it without any help with directions but we had to go drop my new prescription off at CVS to be filled. God blessed us to get there and back to my apartment safely though I had to encourage her to use the breaks because around here we may have the right of way doesn't mean the other car would abide by that. Didn't take long for either one of us to get that nap in once we got back-lol. Tonight is her last night here but we've had so much FUN and I'm thankful. I know my daddy felt bad because he wasn't within driving distance this time but God worked it out-took care of His baby girl and all is still well:-)

Forward March!

Another milestone in the treatment process-radiation #33 of 33 in the books today! Once again side effects minimal-some fatigue, a little "sunburn", and a tan-there were a lot of things on that consent form that I had to sign prior to beginning radiation treatments that God kept from me-MERCY. Thank you Lord for "crowning me with your loving kindness and tender mercies"! After radiation bloodwork-always on Tuesday of the week that chemo is scheduled(Thursday every 3 wks). Speaking of chemo...Thursday will be #8 of 17 and one of my aunts is going to fill in for daddy this time. God willing she'll be here tomorrow. I'm wondering if we're going to get any sleep tomorrow night-whenever I go visit her and my east Texas fam, she always has me rolln-idk if the chemo nurses and other chemo patients are ready LOL-more good times on the way :-) In addition to the bloodwork today, I also had a 2D echo done-basically a heart utlrasound. No worries, it's protocol due to the chemo meds I'm receiving. The cardiologist will read the data collected and provide a report but the nurse who conducted the ultrasound said that everything looked good. I've mentioned "a project" in previous posts-God has blessed me to publish my first book-"Poetic Inspirations for the Child of God" via a Christian self-publisher I'm so thankful. Here's the summary for it: Yes Jesus Christ is our Lord and Savior and we’re a part of the Royal Family of God but we still have our moments: •When we feel lonely, forgotten, unloved and that no one cares about us •When we feel helpless, hopeless and like we can’t go on •When we lose sight of our true identity-who we are in Christ as well as both the blessings and burdens that come along with being one of His •When we slip up and take God’s blessings for granted and find ourselves complaining rather than thanking This book of poems is a source of inspiration and encouragement for the child of God who is striving to keep the FAITH. Side note: the time is right whenever God says so, not when everything appears to be perfect or ideal(perfect health, perfect finances, everything in our lives neat, calm and in order). God can and will do great things in our lives in spite of and if the midst of if we will go with what He says and walk by faith. God knows what He's doing-got everything planned out and is able to execute perfectly. On this past Sunday the fulfillment hour/Sunday school lesson was titled "When the Miracle Doesn't Happen". That was my testifying cue as God has blessed me to experience miracles in this particular journey of overcoming breast cancer but He has also allowed me to experience times in this journey when the miracle that I hoped for, didn't happen-I didn't want to have to have chemo, but I did-the miracle didn't happen, I didn't want to lose my hair to the point that I had to cut it off but I did-the miracle didn't happen and backing up to the diagnosis, I didn't want to hear that I had breast cancer and that it was also in atleast one lymph node but I did-the miracle didn't happen BUT multiple times God told me that He didn't want to undermine the power and strength of the testimony that He was building in my life-so even when those miracles didn't happen I still had peace in God's will. He has a purpose for every phase of this process that He has taken me through thus far. Some of the poems in the book I mentioned above would not have been written if He had not set my feet on the path of this journey. Has everyday been a wonderful day? no ma'am and no sir BUT I can say that I know for myself that God's grace is sufficient, I can say that all the good that He has caused to come out of this and in the midst of this so far outweighs the rough days uncontested/hands down and I know God to be a Keeper and a Sustainer because He's been that for me and remember some of the verses that He gave me to hold onto early on-"For we know that all things work together for the good of them that love the Lord, the called according to His purpose." (Romans 8:28) and "we are more than conquerors through Him that loved us." (Romans 8:37)-He continues to show me those words manifested in my life. From the start all the way to date, He's still not given me a reason to hang my head :-) As the title of one of my poems says, "I'm Still Smiling". When we know the one that is allowing us to go through something-and not just allowing us but walking us through, is the same one that loves us, the same one who's word and promises are true, the same one who makes no mistakes, the same one who has ALL power in His hands-why not smile? When God takes us through something-pending the way we go through it (our attitude, mindset, the words we speak, actions)-we are given several opportunities-the opportunity to glorify God, to come through it with a stronger faith, the opportunity to be used by God as an instrument of encouragement to our brothers and sisters in Christ, the opportunity to be a tool for drawing unbeliever who are watching in disbelief or shocked that though you are going through- you still seem to have more peace and joy than others they know and sleeping better too. There is also the opportunity for expanded territory in the way of ministry-the more God brings us through the more people He can use us to reach-for every type of challenge and obstacle He blesses us to overcome and every battle He blesses us to win, that adds to those that we can with His help connect to. God is a good God. His plan for our lives far exceeds what we could ever think, dream or imagine but we have to trust Him. Will we have "moments"? Yes but the problem is not that we have those "moments" but rather when we decide to let them become our norm. God Bless & KTF

Last Double Treatment and Chemo #7 of 17 in the books!

Getting closer!!! After last week's radiation treatments, I only have 2 more left in this second phase. On Wednesday the plan is for the tech to take film (x-rays) and mark me up again in preparation for the last phase of radiation treatments which they refer to as the boost, where they focus the radiation on the area of my breast that has a scar from the incision made during surgery. I still have that sunburn type irriation on my shoulder area but told the doctor yesterday that I only had a couple more treatments left in that area and that I was good. She warned that it may get worse over the weekend and gave the radiation tech a heads up for the upcoming week. I guess I will find out on Monday (if God says the same), whether or not they will skip that area for that day or go ahead and treat it. Thursday was what should've been my last double treatment day (both radiation and chemo on the same day). In my usual pre-chemo visit with the nurse practitioner who works with both of oncologists, I was informed that something weird must have happened with the samples of the blood drawn earlier that week because there was no way that the results were correct, with the exception of the white blood cell count and the red blood cell count. Red blood cell count was good but white blood cell count was not where they wanted it to be so instead of receiving one neupogen shot they day after chemo, I would have to have 2 neupogen shots (one on the day after chemo which would be Friday and the second one on Monday). They also re-drew blood before getting me started with chemo this time too. The last time I had a double treatment I was tired but still blessed with enough strength to eat and then get to work but this time my strength and energy was left on "e" and I was unable to go to work but even then still blessed with life and I still had fun during the chemo as part of the time me and daddy played this game working together as a team on his notebook or ipad called lines-starting at level 65 by the time we finished-rather got to the point that we were stumped-you know when the challenge of the game is on the verge of becoming stressful because you can't get past the current level LOL- we were on level 83. BTW to make it less confusing and easier to track I'm going to start counting up rather than down with regard to the number of chemo treatments and in reference to the total number, which includes pre and post surgery rather than post surgery only. Thursday was #7 of 17. TGBTG

Update

Radiation treatment #18 of 33 completed on yesterday morning. I've noticed some changes in skin color in some of the area that's been treated via radiation. The dr. also told me in our regular Friday post radiation appointment, that I could start using that Eucerin creme that I was given a sample of but not before treatment and that there's a possibility that next week I could start to feel some irritation in the areas being treated and that they may have to give me a break, but I know God's still got me and He will do what's best-whatever that is. Next chemo scheduled for Thursday (counting down from the 13 treatments I had left post sugery, this will be #11). This morning God blessed me to run the 5k Race for the Cure. 2012 was the only other year that I've participated and that was because it was our singles ministry outreach activity for that month (marathons are not my preferred method of exercise). Often times it takes either our firsthand experience or seeing someone close to us going through it before we're moved to the point of action, support or contributing in some way to a cause that's bigger than us. Now this time it was our singles ministry outreach activity again but this time there was a deeper meaning for me-never thought I'd be in the number of women battling breast cancer but I'm thankful that God blessed me with the strength and energy to run while still in the midst of treatments and that He continues to move me closer and closer to that official "Breast Cancer Survivor". I was also blessed that some of my single sisters participated as well. One had also included my name on the list of those she was walking for which she wore on her back-I was blessed by that too. In addition to that I was introduced to a 25yr cancer survivor and then to one who was still in the midst of treatments- not official yet but like me still here and on the way-there was a special comradery. Though she told me good luck, after which I said God bless you. I know she had best of intentions in mind but I know in whom I believed (and do believe); He's the reason I'm still standing, the source of my joy and peace, and the One Who has continued to bring me through every obstacle in this journey thus far. TGBTG.

Reflections & Radiation Treatment Update

It's been a busy but BLESSED week. It's a blessing to be able to be busy-not just running around for the sake of running around but busy and running with purpose. God takes us through things in this life not for our destruction but for our good. Sometimes He's got to add some "serious" heat, other times a storm that won't seem to go away and then as the Best Husbandman/Master Gardener that there ever was and ever will be, He prunes us. Are the situations, circumstances and afflictions that He uses pretty, pleasant or appealing? rarely BUT that's why it's so important to walk by faith and not by sight. The situation will try to scare us but FAITH trusts God when He says, "be not afraid." The affliction may say, "I'm too much for you; I'm not going anywhere"; why do you continue to fight?" but FAITH says, "I'm not alone-my God will NEVER leave me nor forsake me, wherever I am He's right there with me" "In all things I've learned to be content...I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me"; "I am more than a conqueror through Him that loved me." FAITH says yes I'm in this season for now but it won't always be this way." I'm still in this battle but God is still marching me right on through with a smile on my face-God is just Good like that! I know this journey is nothing compared to Job's journey but I'm reminded of how God subtracted, but He didn't leave Job in that condition. There was a point where He began to restore and to add more to Job more than what He had going into that trial. He looked better on the back end then he did on the front in. We say we want spiritual growth, we want to be closer to God, we want a deeper relationship with Him, and we want all that He has for us, but in order to achieve those things, God is going to have to take us through some fire, some storms and He's going to have to prune us and it's not just one and done BUT we can rejoice in the purpose and in the fact that God is at work in our lives, and that He loves us that much and that He's with us. Yes He'll do some subtracting but as with Job there's a season of restoration and increase, if we will trust God and persevere in the strength that flows from Him. God has already began to restore and give increase even in the midst of this battle as He we continue on toward "cancer free." From the something as simple as my hair growing back steadily, to my first time back in the choir stand this week-choir rehearsal with the women's chorus, to the first big mentor/mentee event since the adjustments that had to be made following my very first chemo treatment-being a part of that program is one of my favorite things about my job-in addition to getting to see me mentee and my other adopted mentees-we were all excited to see eachother, I was blessed to conversate with another mentee who's mentor was not able to be there. Then there's the restoration of physical strength-pretty close to lifting as heavy as I was lifting prior to chemo and the surgeries, out and about running around (not quite at the level I was before but still quite a bit more than I had been able to lately). In the way of increase, the testimony that God has already given me thus far, the special project that I mentioned in the previous post. What a Mighty Good God; What an AWESOME God we serve. Yesterday God blessed me to recieve radiation treatment #13, which was the last of the first phase of radiation. The treatment fields for the next 12 are shifted slightly from the first phase-junction shift. To prepare for this 2nd phase, instead of receivng radiation this morning as I usually would, the tech conducted a mock verification-like what she did the day before my first radiation treatment-took x-rays, outlined the fields on my skin with a marker and took pics for the dr. to review-it's basically a dry run so the dr. can confirm that the areas that she has prescribed in my radiation treatment plan would have been treated had it been the real thing. The tech cannot start the next phase of radiation prior to the dr's review and approval. As before, I'm glad I didn't have to be out in public aside from work and visiting too much today because some of the outlined field is visible-lol. I'm thankful I've not experienced any of the "sunburn" type side effect from the radiation treatments. I thank God for continuing to keep me, for His GOODNESS, GRACE, and MERCY.

Reflections: God's Goodness and 1st Double Treatment (Radiation & Chemo)

I'm on the fatigued side as I type this evening's post BUT God is good and He's still given me SO MANY reasons to say thank you. For each day of life, for His presence and His faithfulness in each day of life, for His keeping power and healing power that is yet at work in me and for His grace and mercy that is sufficient for each and everyday that He gives us on this side of glory. In addition to that God has also really been blessing and lining things up regarding a special project that He's given me-more on that in a later post BUT as the Planet Shakers put it in their song, "Big"-God's plans for me go beyond my wildest dreams... It's been a busy week, with the special project I mentioned above (btw this is a project outside of work and I would hope minds would not wonder in the wrong direction in trying to guess but just in case-yes it is legal-lol), driving out of town and back for work yesterday following my radiation treatment for the day, back to the office for the remaining time at work, then visiting a dear sister who's always a joy to be around, and today my first day of double treatment-radiation followed by chemo and then a 3hr work-related meeting after that. Still got my weight training in Mon-Wed this week and God-willing will get some cardio in on tomorrow (today would have normally been a cardio day too but it has been my practice on chemo days not to do any workout on the day of). Even a busy week is a blessing because I remember when-I remember when I had to pretty much stay in my apartment; I remember when I wouldn't have even attempted to drive out of town on my own; I remember when I had to rehab my arm and workout at home because I wasn't ready to be back in the gym yet-God has increased my strength pretty close to the weight that I was lifting before the diagnosis and treatments-the intensity is more comparible to that time frame to. Last weekend just to be able to pretty much have a singles ministry day (that's what it felt like)-real talk that morning-Blessed time there, then that evening movies and dinner-God really blessed the fellowship the whole day-I remember when I wouldn't have been able to do that because of the effects of the pre-surgery chemo. God is Good. Anyway I guess I ought to get to today's treatments and dr's visit. It's just that we have to be so careful not to leave God out by losing sight of His presence, His blessings and the importance of staying prayed up and armored up, not just some of the time but all the time because the enemy is always looking for a place to get a foothole, ways to distract, discourage and tear down. What we go through/are going through is only a part of a much larger picture. So back to todays treatments for real now-lol. Radiation was smooth sailing once again. The tech got me lined up perfectly on the first try, so short and sweet yet again and no burning as a result of the skin exposure. After that we (me and daddy-always enjoy our bonding time:-))met briefly with the assistant who works for both my overall breast care dr and my chemo dr. The main take away from that follow up was that I have to fininsh a year's worth (total of 17 treatments with the Projeta & Hercepton). Today was treatment 12 of the the 13 treatments remaining. If I'm not mistaken there will be only one more occassion where I have both radiation and chemo on the same day as radiation is only Mon-Fri. for 6wks. While undergoing chemo I was also informed by one of the chemo nurses that I will need to come in tomorrow for that Neupogen shot. I didn't have to do this following last month's chemo but they wanted me to go ahead and do it this time because my bloodwork analysis from earlier this week revealed that my white blood cells needed a little boost. The explanation she gave as to why that was is that my body is still recovering from the doses of Taxotere (pre-surgery chemo). As a refresher, the Taxotere is not specific in it's fight against cancer-it's approach is to attack everything that's dividing rapidly which is why it tends to pull down immune system, cause hair, nail, and digestive system issues. I've still tried not to be around people who are coughing and have under indications of being sick and God has been keeping me in that area as well. He's good like that:-) If God says the same, tomorrow is the last radiation treatment for this week-FRIDAY!!!