Forward March!

Another milestone in the treatment process-radiation #33 of 33 in the books today! Once again side effects minimal-some fatigue, a little "sunburn", and a tan-there were a lot of things on that consent form that I had to sign prior to beginning radiation treatments that God kept from me-MERCY. Thank you Lord for "crowning me with your loving kindness and tender mercies"! After radiation bloodwork-always on Tuesday of the week that chemo is scheduled(Thursday every 3 wks). Speaking of chemo...Thursday will be #8 of 17 and one of my aunts is going to fill in for daddy this time. God willing she'll be here tomorrow. I'm wondering if we're going to get any sleep tomorrow night-whenever I go visit her and my east Texas fam, she always has me rolln-idk if the chemo nurses and other chemo patients are ready LOL-more good times on the way :-) In addition to the bloodwork today, I also had a 2D echo done-basically a heart utlrasound. No worries, it's protocol due to the chemo meds I'm receiving. The cardiologist will read the data collected and provide a report but the nurse who conducted the ultrasound said that everything looked good. I've mentioned "a project" in previous posts-God has blessed me to publish my first book-"Poetic Inspirations for the Child of God" via a Christian self-publisher I'm so thankful. Here's the summary for it: Yes Jesus Christ is our Lord and Savior and we’re a part of the Royal Family of God but we still have our moments: •When we feel lonely, forgotten, unloved and that no one cares about us •When we feel helpless, hopeless and like we can’t go on •When we lose sight of our true identity-who we are in Christ as well as both the blessings and burdens that come along with being one of His •When we slip up and take God’s blessings for granted and find ourselves complaining rather than thanking This book of poems is a source of inspiration and encouragement for the child of God who is striving to keep the FAITH. Side note: the time is right whenever God says so, not when everything appears to be perfect or ideal(perfect health, perfect finances, everything in our lives neat, calm and in order). God can and will do great things in our lives in spite of and if the midst of if we will go with what He says and walk by faith. God knows what He's doing-got everything planned out and is able to execute perfectly. On this past Sunday the fulfillment hour/Sunday school lesson was titled "When the Miracle Doesn't Happen". That was my testifying cue as God has blessed me to experience miracles in this particular journey of overcoming breast cancer but He has also allowed me to experience times in this journey when the miracle that I hoped for, didn't happen-I didn't want to have to have chemo, but I did-the miracle didn't happen, I didn't want to lose my hair to the point that I had to cut it off but I did-the miracle didn't happen and backing up to the diagnosis, I didn't want to hear that I had breast cancer and that it was also in atleast one lymph node but I did-the miracle didn't happen BUT multiple times God told me that He didn't want to undermine the power and strength of the testimony that He was building in my life-so even when those miracles didn't happen I still had peace in God's will. He has a purpose for every phase of this process that He has taken me through thus far. Some of the poems in the book I mentioned above would not have been written if He had not set my feet on the path of this journey. Has everyday been a wonderful day? no ma'am and no sir BUT I can say that I know for myself that God's grace is sufficient, I can say that all the good that He has caused to come out of this and in the midst of this so far outweighs the rough days uncontested/hands down and I know God to be a Keeper and a Sustainer because He's been that for me and remember some of the verses that He gave me to hold onto early on-"For we know that all things work together for the good of them that love the Lord, the called according to His purpose." (Romans 8:28) and "we are more than conquerors through Him that loved us." (Romans 8:37)-He continues to show me those words manifested in my life. From the start all the way to date, He's still not given me a reason to hang my head :-) As the title of one of my poems says, "I'm Still Smiling". When we know the one that is allowing us to go through something-and not just allowing us but walking us through, is the same one that loves us, the same one who's word and promises are true, the same one who makes no mistakes, the same one who has ALL power in His hands-why not smile? When God takes us through something-pending the way we go through it (our attitude, mindset, the words we speak, actions)-we are given several opportunities-the opportunity to glorify God, to come through it with a stronger faith, the opportunity to be used by God as an instrument of encouragement to our brothers and sisters in Christ, the opportunity to be a tool for drawing unbeliever who are watching in disbelief or shocked that though you are going through- you still seem to have more peace and joy than others they know and sleeping better too. There is also the opportunity for expanded territory in the way of ministry-the more God brings us through the more people He can use us to reach-for every type of challenge and obstacle He blesses us to overcome and every battle He blesses us to win, that adds to those that we can with His help connect to. God is a good God. His plan for our lives far exceeds what we could ever think, dream or imagine but we have to trust Him. Will we have "moments"? Yes but the problem is not that we have those "moments" but rather when we decide to let them become our norm. God Bless & KTF

Last Double Treatment and Chemo #7 of 17 in the books!

Getting closer!!! After last week's radiation treatments, I only have 2 more left in this second phase. On Wednesday the plan is for the tech to take film (x-rays) and mark me up again in preparation for the last phase of radiation treatments which they refer to as the boost, where they focus the radiation on the area of my breast that has a scar from the incision made during surgery. I still have that sunburn type irriation on my shoulder area but told the doctor yesterday that I only had a couple more treatments left in that area and that I was good. She warned that it may get worse over the weekend and gave the radiation tech a heads up for the upcoming week. I guess I will find out on Monday (if God says the same), whether or not they will skip that area for that day or go ahead and treat it. Thursday was what should've been my last double treatment day (both radiation and chemo on the same day). In my usual pre-chemo visit with the nurse practitioner who works with both of oncologists, I was informed that something weird must have happened with the samples of the blood drawn earlier that week because there was no way that the results were correct, with the exception of the white blood cell count and the red blood cell count. Red blood cell count was good but white blood cell count was not where they wanted it to be so instead of receiving one neupogen shot they day after chemo, I would have to have 2 neupogen shots (one on the day after chemo which would be Friday and the second one on Monday). They also re-drew blood before getting me started with chemo this time too. The last time I had a double treatment I was tired but still blessed with enough strength to eat and then get to work but this time my strength and energy was left on "e" and I was unable to go to work but even then still blessed with life and I still had fun during the chemo as part of the time me and daddy played this game working together as a team on his notebook or ipad called lines-starting at level 65 by the time we finished-rather got to the point that we were stumped-you know when the challenge of the game is on the verge of becoming stressful because you can't get past the current level LOL- we were on level 83. BTW to make it less confusing and easier to track I'm going to start counting up rather than down with regard to the number of chemo treatments and in reference to the total number, which includes pre and post surgery rather than post surgery only. Thursday was #7 of 17. TGBTG

Update

Radiation treatment #18 of 33 completed on yesterday morning. I've noticed some changes in skin color in some of the area that's been treated via radiation. The dr. also told me in our regular Friday post radiation appointment, that I could start using that Eucerin creme that I was given a sample of but not before treatment and that there's a possibility that next week I could start to feel some irritation in the areas being treated and that they may have to give me a break, but I know God's still got me and He will do what's best-whatever that is. Next chemo scheduled for Thursday (counting down from the 13 treatments I had left post sugery, this will be #11). This morning God blessed me to run the 5k Race for the Cure. 2012 was the only other year that I've participated and that was because it was our singles ministry outreach activity for that month (marathons are not my preferred method of exercise). Often times it takes either our firsthand experience or seeing someone close to us going through it before we're moved to the point of action, support or contributing in some way to a cause that's bigger than us. Now this time it was our singles ministry outreach activity again but this time there was a deeper meaning for me-never thought I'd be in the number of women battling breast cancer but I'm thankful that God blessed me with the strength and energy to run while still in the midst of treatments and that He continues to move me closer and closer to that official "Breast Cancer Survivor". I was also blessed that some of my single sisters participated as well. One had also included my name on the list of those she was walking for which she wore on her back-I was blessed by that too. In addition to that I was introduced to a 25yr cancer survivor and then to one who was still in the midst of treatments- not official yet but like me still here and on the way-there was a special comradery. Though she told me good luck, after which I said God bless you. I know she had best of intentions in mind but I know in whom I believed (and do believe); He's the reason I'm still standing, the source of my joy and peace, and the One Who has continued to bring me through every obstacle in this journey thus far. TGBTG.

Reflections & Radiation Treatment Update

It's been a busy but BLESSED week. It's a blessing to be able to be busy-not just running around for the sake of running around but busy and running with purpose. God takes us through things in this life not for our destruction but for our good. Sometimes He's got to add some "serious" heat, other times a storm that won't seem to go away and then as the Best Husbandman/Master Gardener that there ever was and ever will be, He prunes us. Are the situations, circumstances and afflictions that He uses pretty, pleasant or appealing? rarely BUT that's why it's so important to walk by faith and not by sight. The situation will try to scare us but FAITH trusts God when He says, "be not afraid." The affliction may say, "I'm too much for you; I'm not going anywhere"; why do you continue to fight?" but FAITH says, "I'm not alone-my God will NEVER leave me nor forsake me, wherever I am He's right there with me" "In all things I've learned to be content...I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me"; "I am more than a conqueror through Him that loved me." FAITH says yes I'm in this season for now but it won't always be this way." I'm still in this battle but God is still marching me right on through with a smile on my face-God is just Good like that! I know this journey is nothing compared to Job's journey but I'm reminded of how God subtracted, but He didn't leave Job in that condition. There was a point where He began to restore and to add more to Job more than what He had going into that trial. He looked better on the back end then he did on the front in. We say we want spiritual growth, we want to be closer to God, we want a deeper relationship with Him, and we want all that He has for us, but in order to achieve those things, God is going to have to take us through some fire, some storms and He's going to have to prune us and it's not just one and done BUT we can rejoice in the purpose and in the fact that God is at work in our lives, and that He loves us that much and that He's with us. Yes He'll do some subtracting but as with Job there's a season of restoration and increase, if we will trust God and persevere in the strength that flows from Him. God has already began to restore and give increase even in the midst of this battle as He we continue on toward "cancer free." From the something as simple as my hair growing back steadily, to my first time back in the choir stand this week-choir rehearsal with the women's chorus, to the first big mentor/mentee event since the adjustments that had to be made following my very first chemo treatment-being a part of that program is one of my favorite things about my job-in addition to getting to see me mentee and my other adopted mentees-we were all excited to see eachother, I was blessed to conversate with another mentee who's mentor was not able to be there. Then there's the restoration of physical strength-pretty close to lifting as heavy as I was lifting prior to chemo and the surgeries, out and about running around (not quite at the level I was before but still quite a bit more than I had been able to lately). In the way of increase, the testimony that God has already given me thus far, the special project that I mentioned in the previous post. What a Mighty Good God; What an AWESOME God we serve. Yesterday God blessed me to recieve radiation treatment #13, which was the last of the first phase of radiation. The treatment fields for the next 12 are shifted slightly from the first phase-junction shift. To prepare for this 2nd phase, instead of receivng radiation this morning as I usually would, the tech conducted a mock verification-like what she did the day before my first radiation treatment-took x-rays, outlined the fields on my skin with a marker and took pics for the dr. to review-it's basically a dry run so the dr. can confirm that the areas that she has prescribed in my radiation treatment plan would have been treated had it been the real thing. The tech cannot start the next phase of radiation prior to the dr's review and approval. As before, I'm glad I didn't have to be out in public aside from work and visiting too much today because some of the outlined field is visible-lol. I'm thankful I've not experienced any of the "sunburn" type side effect from the radiation treatments. I thank God for continuing to keep me, for His GOODNESS, GRACE, and MERCY.

Reflections: God's Goodness and 1st Double Treatment (Radiation & Chemo)

I'm on the fatigued side as I type this evening's post BUT God is good and He's still given me SO MANY reasons to say thank you. For each day of life, for His presence and His faithfulness in each day of life, for His keeping power and healing power that is yet at work in me and for His grace and mercy that is sufficient for each and everyday that He gives us on this side of glory. In addition to that God has also really been blessing and lining things up regarding a special project that He's given me-more on that in a later post BUT as the Planet Shakers put it in their song, "Big"-God's plans for me go beyond my wildest dreams... It's been a busy week, with the special project I mentioned above (btw this is a project outside of work and I would hope minds would not wonder in the wrong direction in trying to guess but just in case-yes it is legal-lol), driving out of town and back for work yesterday following my radiation treatment for the day, back to the office for the remaining time at work, then visiting a dear sister who's always a joy to be around, and today my first day of double treatment-radiation followed by chemo and then a 3hr work-related meeting after that. Still got my weight training in Mon-Wed this week and God-willing will get some cardio in on tomorrow (today would have normally been a cardio day too but it has been my practice on chemo days not to do any workout on the day of). Even a busy week is a blessing because I remember when-I remember when I had to pretty much stay in my apartment; I remember when I wouldn't have even attempted to drive out of town on my own; I remember when I had to rehab my arm and workout at home because I wasn't ready to be back in the gym yet-God has increased my strength pretty close to the weight that I was lifting before the diagnosis and treatments-the intensity is more comparible to that time frame to. Last weekend just to be able to pretty much have a singles ministry day (that's what it felt like)-real talk that morning-Blessed time there, then that evening movies and dinner-God really blessed the fellowship the whole day-I remember when I wouldn't have been able to do that because of the effects of the pre-surgery chemo. God is Good. Anyway I guess I ought to get to today's treatments and dr's visit. It's just that we have to be so careful not to leave God out by losing sight of His presence, His blessings and the importance of staying prayed up and armored up, not just some of the time but all the time because the enemy is always looking for a place to get a foothole, ways to distract, discourage and tear down. What we go through/are going through is only a part of a much larger picture. So back to todays treatments for real now-lol. Radiation was smooth sailing once again. The tech got me lined up perfectly on the first try, so short and sweet yet again and no burning as a result of the skin exposure. After that we (me and daddy-always enjoy our bonding time:-))met briefly with the assistant who works for both my overall breast care dr and my chemo dr. The main take away from that follow up was that I have to fininsh a year's worth (total of 17 treatments with the Projeta & Hercepton). Today was treatment 12 of the the 13 treatments remaining. If I'm not mistaken there will be only one more occassion where I have both radiation and chemo on the same day as radiation is only Mon-Fri. for 6wks. While undergoing chemo I was also informed by one of the chemo nurses that I will need to come in tomorrow for that Neupogen shot. I didn't have to do this following last month's chemo but they wanted me to go ahead and do it this time because my bloodwork analysis from earlier this week revealed that my white blood cells needed a little boost. The explanation she gave as to why that was is that my body is still recovering from the doses of Taxotere (pre-surgery chemo). As a refresher, the Taxotere is not specific in it's fight against cancer-it's approach is to attack everything that's dividing rapidly which is why it tends to pull down immune system, cause hair, nail, and digestive system issues. I've still tried not to be around people who are coughing and have under indications of being sick and God has been keeping me in that area as well. He's good like that:-) If God says the same, tomorrow is the last radiation treatment for this week-FRIDAY!!!

1st Radiation Treatment In the Books: Short & Sweet

I had my 1st radiation treatment this morning-stopped by the center on my way to work and was in and out in roughly 20mins. It would have taken less time then that but everyday before the actual treatment can commence the tech will have to take an x-ray and compare it to the x-rays from yesterday. If they don't match then she has to re-adjust my position on the platform and take another x-ray and compare. These steps have to be repeated until the x-rays match. Though I still had my "tattoos" and the mat the was molded to my upper body-alignment was still not as simple a task as one might imagine and it took a couple attempts for her to get me positioned such that the x-rays matched. She then told me I would hear a buzzing sound, which would be the indicator that she was treating. 3 fields were treated(as mentioned in the previous post). The platform that I was laying on stayed still while a part of the machine rotated around to the different angles. Now before I share how brief the treatment really was, I want to make it known that I did verify my estimation of the length of time with the tech. I was shocked myself-lol but the treating of the 1st and 2nd fields each took 30 secs a piece and the 3rd field took 1 min. Following the treating of each of the 1st 2 fields she checked my alignment. And that was it-pain free. God keeps on blessing. I do have to mention this though-my daddy wasn't here for this one as he is planning to be here on Friday since following every Friday radiation treatment, I will have to meet with the dr. One of my dear sisters in Christ offered to be there with me but since I wasn't expecting the treatment last long (though I didn't realize it would be as short as it was) I didn't want to have her driving all the way across town but then another dear sister pretty much asked me what time it was told me she was coming-not much I could say to that-lol but I'm thankful for them both (and for all of the others that God has placed in my life, who are there for me and praying for me).

Just that quick...

This morning not long after arriving at work I recieved a call from the radiology tech asking if I could come in for what I thought would be my first treatment, but when I was escorted back to the radiation treatment area, it was clarified that today they would be doing some more prep work. This included lying platform on top of the upper body mat that had been molded to my body (part of last week's simulation) underneath the radiation equipment in the exact same position that I would be lying in for each treatment, which I was informed will begin tomorrow morning. While lying there the radiology tech lined me up (orientated me with the machine) according to my tattoos (the small permanent ink dots they strategically applied to my skin during the simulation last Thursday). While in that position, she took x-rays in the 3 different fields that the radiation will be administered-2 of the fields are in the breast area but the difference from what I understood is in the angle and instensities. The 3rd field is in the clavicle area. She outline the fields in with a sharpy before also taking pics. I'm glad I could come straight home after work one of the some of the outline went up my neck and was visible when I put my clothes on and I was thinking some may be questioning my sanity after seeing part of my neck marked up-lol. While there I was also informed that I would have to see the dr. after every Friday treatment to keep tabs on how the treatments are progressing. When I asked about burning as a result of the radiation I was told that fatigue is the main side-effect experienced but that some do get a "sun burn"-like effect in the area that's recieving the radiation, though it usually does not occur until weeks into it and varies from person to person, so I may or may not experience it. I still count these as minor things compared to all that God has brought me through thus far and am looking forward to getting this part of the treatment process knocked out. 6wks is not long at all considereing and I believe God has already blessed me to get through the most challenging part of the treatment process-should be short and sweet as the saying goes. I'll still have my chemo with the Hercepton and Projeta every 3 weeks until I hit the target number of 17 (5 down 12 to go), so there will be somedays where I will have the radiation and then go straight to chemo BUT God is with me and I can do ALL things through Christ Who gives me strength.