Procedure & lumpectomy in the books-Praising God for What We've Seen and Heard!

If you recally yesterday before the surgery I mentioned how God had reminded me the night before to hold onto what He told me. Last night's evening devotional scripture, "And the shepherds returned, glorifying and praising God for all the things that they had heard and seen, as it was told unto them." Luke 2:20 was the perfect complement for what followed on yesterday. Not only did God Bless me to go home on the same day and without the need of any pain medicines. I thank God for speaking, allowing me to hear and recieve and ALWAYS holding true to His word! Now for the breakdown and of the day: When daddy and I arrived at the hospital to check in a little early. Not long before they called me to go through everything with the admission officer, dear sister and brother in Christ arrived. The admission process was pretty short and sweet. After that we were escorted to radiology where I would recieve the dye injection for the lymph nodes and where a dr. would come in and insert a small wire that would mark the area where the mass (what was left of it) was located. Let me also share, that in the diagnostic phase, when they did a breast biopsy, a small clip was inserted to mark the location of the mass so that in event of any future breast health checks, or if surgery was ever needed, the area that had been biopsied and would be clear. Ok so back to yesterday in radiology. In order for the doctor to insert the wire the mass and clip would need to be located via a breast ultrasound or a mammogram. The nurses had been instructed to try the ultrasound method first because it would be a quicker process. Before the nurse escorted me back there my daddy asked her what her name was and said that he saw where she was going and that if we took too long, he was coming back there-lol and as we were walking off he told me to behave (because he knew I was hungry-for those who know me, they know I tend to have a personality change when I get too hungry). One of the nurses tried but could not definatively locate the mass and clip, she asked one of the other nurses who also works with ultrasound to give it a shot. When the second nurse couldn't find it, they informed the doctor who told them to go ahead and use the mammogram but that he still wanted to try to locate the area of concern via the ultrasound when he finished with the patient he was currently with. When the dr. when he came said that whatever they were giving me (referring to the chemo) was working-causing the lesion be disappearing and hard to find which of course was a good thing. Well he found what he thought was the clip (mentioned above) and decided to use that as a reference for inserting the wire but because the dye for my lymph nodes needed to be injected 2-3hrs prior to surgery, he opted to get that done 1st. Usually dr's and nurses will tell you, "you're going to feel a pinch, a little sting, or "say take a deep breath", but both the dr. and one of the nurse said it was going to sting in a tone like it's not going to be little either. One of the nurses said she promised it would only last for a minute though. The dye, which is radioactive, was injected just under the skin of my breast, where it would then travel from my breast to the lymph nodes which drain the breast so that the surgeon would know which lymph nodes to remove for biospy-sentinel nodes are the ones that he would focus on. Before he got ready to inject, each nurse took hold of one of my hands (to squeeze in case I needed to). He injected the dye a couple times and squeeze I did, so much so that I felt the need to apologize to the nurses for squeezing so hard. One of them commented that she should have given me her left hand-LOL. That "sting" was something else-the closest pain I could compare it to was the time that I got stung by a scorpion-also a burning sensation only this was intensified quite a bit more than that-MULTIPLIED a few times. In fact when I the dr. moved right into the procedure for inserting the wire, I didn't even feel the numbing shot he gave me. After the wire was in, one of the nurses took me to her mammogram room for another set of images to confirm whether or not the wire was inserted in the right place. Come to find out it was not, so the dr. said he do the procedure using the mammogram as a reference this time. The nurse used the images to mark the area where he would need to insert the wire. This time I felt a sting as he broke the skin but thank God that the local anesthetic was still working once he got pass that layer. This time before inserting the wire all the way in, he had the nurse do another mammogram to make sure he was on the right track. The images showed that confirmed just that and he finished up. After that another mammogram to confirm that with the wire all the way in, that it was on target with as far as the area of conern and this time it was. Because they spent time with both the ultrasound and the mammogram, having to insert a 2nd wire, it took longer than expected. Before heading back out to where my daddy and fam were, I went to the bathroom and while I was in there I was thinking daddy is probably about ready come looking for us because we've taken longer than expected. Sure enough that's what he told the nurse that was sent out to give an update-LOL-I know my daddy. Anyway after that I was escorted to the operating room holding area. When I got there the nurses went to work-typical scale for weight, asked me my height, bp, pulse, etc. When the nurse who was tasked with starting the IV came in and sat down, I aksed him if we was going to use a butterfly needle (for my last MRI, the radiologist was able to use a butterfly needle to start the IV so figured I'd ask). The nurse said no but that the good thing was that he was able to use a numbing shot-said it was going to feel like a Texas mesquito and after he administered it, I told him that mesquito was hungry-lol. After wiggling around in there for a little while but to no avail, he called in another nurse. When she came in she asked me something regarding my viens, I reminded her they told me I had to fast which included water too and she was like I know it's cold and we tell you to fast and we expect your veins to cooperate. She jokingly mentioned something about a margarita but I said I don't want a margarita but some graham crackers or something would be good-lol. I'm thankful she was able to get the IV started though because of the placement told me I had to keep my arm straight. Another one of the nurse said come over with her stethoscope to take a listen. When she got to my stomach I told her she might hear some grumbling-lol. The anesthesiologist checked in with me briefly as well. From there I was taken to another radiology area so that they could make sure the dye had dispersed where it needed to. As they were rolling me out, daddy asked if I needed a phone so I could call him if they hurt me-LOL. Everything checked out there and the radiologist marked the main node for the surgeon. As I was being rolled back to the operating holding area, and were passing through the waithing area for family and loved ones, I saw that two of my sisters in Christ who are like real sisters to me had made it. The escort stopped long enough for a quick hello and hugs and continued on. During the remaining time in the holding room, the surgeon came in to talk to me and to see if I had any questions. The main question I had for him was whether or not the other dr. contacted him and explained the wire situation to him (even though the first wire inserted was inaccurately placed, he left it in there for the surgeon to remove at the time of the surgery). I wanted to make sure he used the right one for a guide regarding what tissue to remove. I was thankful to hear that he had been briefed on that. I also asked how many lymph nodes he would be removing. He said he would be removing 1-6 out of 30 lymph nodes. I was also given the opportunity to ask the anesthesiologist any questions-but I didn't have any for her. After that daddy went to go get the fam that I mentioned above, 3 of my sisters and one of my brothers. They formed a circle around me, pastor daddy prayed, and he took my special blanket to hold on to so it wouldn't get soiled in surgery. I was presented with at the end of January's SWP (Singles With Purpose) Real Talk on behalf of the singles and what makes it so special is that are the letters at the top of it that read "To God Be The Glory", the pictures from various singles events as well as some (but not all) of the church fam whom I hold dear, AND the background is my favorite color, ORANGE. I was covered with it from the time I arrived in the operating holding area up until surgery. Funny before they escorted me to the operating room, one of my sisters got the name of the nurse and told her that they new her name and would be back there if they took too long-LOL. My pastor also came while I was in surgery to and prayed and has been praying for me and I am and gateful. I must also mention that mom and granny wanted to be there but due the weather conditions not being conducive to traveling in from out of town, weren't able to. I did get to talk to them via txt the night before and to mom via phone for a few minutes while in the operating room holding area. One of my brothers who also lives out of town and wanted to be there with me but had to work on top of weather conditions already mentioned, texted to encourage me and let me know he was praying too. There are so many others who have been praying for me and there for me, throughout this process and though they were not able to be there physically they sent words of encouragement, and let me know they were praying. I'm so thankful for each and every one of them. I don't know that they realize how much there prayers and words of encouragement mean to me but they have a HUGE impact as did those who were there physically. I cannot thank God enough for my whole support system-so BLESSED!!! As we rolled down the hallway of operating rooms, we passed by one room where they were blasting some an "ol school" jam while cleaning up. The last thing I remember is being moved from my bed to the operating table and really feeling the anesthesia starting to come on strong-lol. Next thing I knew I was in the recovery area with an oxygen mask on my face, and praying and thanking God. I tried to get some more naptime in. Even once I felt like I could open my eyes longer I tried not to let them see me with them open too much because I was tired and not ready to get up lol. When I saw one of the nurses rolling one of the hospital chairs my way so they could get me up, I was like, "dang"-naptime over. They went to get daddy and after he saw that I was ok and talked to me a little bit, he went to get one of my sisters to help me get dressed. Btw no pain meds needed as I was coming of the anesthesia-"Ain't God GOOD!" After that they went over discharge instructions with the her and then she went over them again with me and I was free to go-of course they had to roll me out in a will chair but TGBTG I was able to go home the same day! I noticed the area on my breast where they injected the dye for my lymph nodes was blue but when I used the restroom for the first time after being home from the hospital, I had BLUE urine! It was as if I had put one of those blue tabs in the toilet to turn the water blue-no exaggeration it was that blue for real. Daddy stayed with me again last night at one point we were both delirous-we were cuttn up and laughting at eachother. I told him his switch had gone off and I couldn't talk LOL. I checked out the both insicions this morning-one roughly 2-2.5 inches and the other roughly 1.5-2 inches and both dressed with glue rather than bandages; sore but still no need for any type of pain meds; leg's not quite full strength but alot stronger than they were leaving the hospital yesterday; overall feeling good-TGBTG On Friday they should know (and I should recieve word) if they got the negative margins around the mass that was removed, which is needed to confirm whether or not they got it all and the results of the biopsies on the lymph nodes removed should be in as well. God's got all that too-trusting Him to continue to walk me through this journey of overcoming. Healing one step at a time-TGBTG!!!

Procedure & lumpectomy Today-going in with Faith & Focus Fixed in & on God

"This is the day that the Lord has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it." Psalm118:24 I have to check in at the hospital in a couple of hours as my procedure and lumpectomy are scheduled for today. Weather wise it's not expected to be the most pleasant day-currently temps in the 30s with a chance of ice this morning, the surgeon as I mentioned before will be the same one who punctured one of my lungs during the procedure to insert my med-port BUT Psalm 118:24-my God made this day and is complete control of it as He has been of EVERY day He has ever made. He is the same God Who blessed me with early detection, the same God Who was with me and blessed and encouraged me through the chemo treatments-withholding many of the side effects from me and causing a great response to the chemo-substantial shrinkage of the mass in my breast and the swollen lymph node returning to normal appearance. Throughout this whole process God has been so FAITHFUL covering me from every angle and supplying my every need up to my greatest need on which my healing depends-FAITH in Him. I also wanted to mention that even though my mom lives out of state and has not been able to be here physically, there's not a day that goes by that she doesn't check on me in one way or another. God has worked through her to take care my financial need. She covered the out of pocket expense for my medi-port procedure and for my procedure and lumpectomy today. Over the weekend God reminded me of the impact our focus has on our lives and how important it is that we stay focused on Him. We cannot have a strong faith without it; it's the difference between walking on water and sinking. Our focus seems to directly impact our faith-the more we focus on God the stronger our faith in Him will tend to be but the more we focus on other things, the weaker our faith in Him will tend to be. Last night the scripture for my evening devotional was Luke 2:19 "But Mary kept all these things, in her heart." In that scripture alone God reminded me of the importance of holding on to the words that He gives us individually. Every word that He speaks is spoken for a reason. God will give us a word to stand on, to encourage us, and to feed on that our spirit would be nourished, sustained and strengthened through whatever we're going through but we're in better postion to recieve when our focus is on Him. So with God's help my focus during this step of the process and all of the steps to come will continue to be on my God as He continues to lead me on towards VICTORY!!! Gotta get going-suppose to head to the hospital in 43 mins.

Decision Made & Follow-up with Oncologist

On my way to see my oncologist I could not help but shed more tears of joy as I listened to one of my songs Marvin Sapp's "You Are God Alone" reflecting on God's goodness and how He's brought me thus far in this journey. While waiting to hear my name called in the lobby of the dr's office, daddy asked me which way I was leaning. I told him towards the lumpectomy because I can remember early on when my oncologist gave me the diagnosis and how just as a thought of concern regarding the possibility of losing a breast came to mind, God was like "I got it", and while it was/is a desire of my heart to keep my breasts, I have not been praying for breast conservation, but I know that others have been. The way that God took care of the concern of the mass being to close to the nipple as well as shrinking the size so drastically so that breast conservation was a valid option-He answered those prayers, and one of the desires of my heart regarding this battle and has left it up to me to recieve it in faith. I say recieve it in faith because as mentioned my previous post, there is a difference in the chance of recurrence (the mastectomy has a lower chance of recurrence). God's hand has been at work through out this whole process. I trust Him to keep me the rest of the way and after He's completed the healing process, to continue to keep me-my health included. I don't put my trust and hope in stats, but I put my trust in God. We can say how much we believe God for something but the real tell-tell is not in our words but in our actions. Most of all I have God's peace about the decision to go with the lumpectomy-the peace that comes from being in line with what He wants. My oncologist was all smiles as she walked in saying, "are you ready for some good news?" (she didn't know we had already heard good news from the surgeon yesterday, but hey it's better and a blessing to hear good news multiple times than to have to hear bad news multiple times ;-) Anyway she shared with us again about the great response to the chemo. She did however add that considering the infusion therapy (the 2 drugs I will need to finish out a year on)in addition to the radiation that my body will have to endure, going with the lumpectomy, which would be minimal surgery is a smart decision. She also said that if for some reason down the road I decide to get a mastectomy and then have reconstruction, I could still have that done. I will start radiation a month after the surgery. Btw my oncologist said the way in which the cancer was discovered (via a nurse practicioner who noticed a lump in a routine physical) was a miracle. Miracle Worker-that's my God! I called the surgeon's office to let them know that I'd opted for the lumpectomy. Now yesterday before I left I was told that the earliest time they had for the 28th would be 12pm and that I would need to arrive at 10am and fasted. but the lady was suppose to check with the hospital to see if they could get an earlier time. However when I called today I was told that the earliest would be 1pm. While I was on the phone daddy reminded me to ask if they were going to inject the dye into the lymph nodes when I arrived, she'd forgotten about that part and said she would have to give me a call back and if I didn't hear from her to call her at 9am on Monday to confirm the time. I told daddy that was a long time (to go without food on that day) but he said it wasn't that long considering the time that had already passed in the whole process but I quickly countered with "yeah daddy but we had food through out that whole time" lol. Going in around mid day fasted-much prayer lol. Seriously though I know God will bless me to get through it.

Surgeon Consult: MRI Prelim Report & Decisions (Mastectomy or Lumpectomy?)

Last night I listened to "I Told the Storm" (Greg O'Quin 'N Joyful Noize) multiple times.Some words in that song "disease can't take me" as well as one of the overall message of the storm-the reminder that God's in control and storms too must obey Him really resinated with me. Then this morning in my QT with God, something He put in my spirit: no matter what we face, we can take courage, we can walk boldly with confidence and without fear because God is with us and He is our Help. As servants of the Lord we don't have to worry about our enemies; those who oppose us and wage war against us-God is our Help and He will deal with them. We don't have to be dismayed, bewildered or discouraged about anything-God is our Help. We don't have to worry about not having enough strength for the assignment-God will strengthen us and hold us up. What a blessing it is to know that God has chosen us and not cast us away. Isaiah 41:9-12 What a set-up for the praise report regarding the consult with the surgeon that took place this afternoon. My parents and I met with the surgeon today. For some reason the radiologist at my oncologist's office had not done read the MRI images nor had the images been sent to the surgeon as they were suppose to. However daddy was able to go and pick up a preliminary report of the MRI as well as a disc with the images for the surgeon to review. The surgeon conducted a physical exam as well. There are some calculations that the radiologist will still have to do but that aside the praise report: "Excellent clinical response" to chemo/"positive response to chemo"; the lymph node that was swollen, biopsied, and found to be cancerous now appears normal,no new enlarged nodes, mass in my breast after 4 rounds of chemo has decreased from a volume of 80x63x52mm to 57x43x45mm (anterior-posterior x craniocaudal x transverse), the mass has also shrunk away from the nipple that a lumpectomy is still an option. The last round of chemo was just last Tuesday so I'm thinking it's possible that the mass may shrink some more. The surgery date has been set for the 28th of this month (need to give body time to recover to get built back up before surgery. right now been on mostly liquids and protein shakes some rice, crackers, and graham crackers until digestive system gets back on track) but I will need to call the surgeon's office to let them know if I want to go with a 1)mastectomy or 2)lumpectomy. Mastectomy (remove breast)-chance of reoccurence is 5%, no radiation chemo would be required post surgery, and I would have to finish out my one year of 2 of the drugs that where administered through my port as a part of chemo before I could be scheduled for breast reconstruction via fat grafting from the stomach. Lumpectomy (breast conserved, mass and certain amount of tissue around it removed)-chance of reoccurance is 12%, if the margins of the tissue removed are not negative, surgeon will have to go back in and remove some more breast tissue, sentinel lymph node biopsy will be a part of the procedure as well,still have to finish out the one year of the 2 drugs, radiation chemo. We'll see what my oncologist says in my tomorrow afternoon's follow up. Early when my oncologist mentioned that I might lose my breast, I remember God told me then not to worry about it and that He had it. He's held to that. I listened to the surgeon today, and God-willing, I will listen to my oncologist tomorrow afternoon, but ultimately, rather than leaning on man's understanding or on my own, I want to go with whatever God says, whatever that is. He knows best and He knows the plans that He yet has for me. The surgeon said I'd done a great job-but I was quick to point to God. The measure of faith that I have-God gave me. He is my strength, He is my healer and He is my sustainer. He is the reason I can share this praise report tonight. Just like I mentioned above. God is my Help. Side note: the surgeon told me that of the numerous surgical procedures he's performed, I was the 1st one that he'd ever caused to have a pneumothorax- yet more confirmation that God ordained it that way for His own purpose and reasons. Of all of the other complications that could have resulted from the procedure to insert the mediport, what a blessing that a pneumothorax was the only one I had. In the words of my pastor, to God be the glory for the great and marvelous things he hath done and may I also add for the things He's doing and will do!!! What a MIGHTY God we serve.

1/13/14

Day 6 (counting out from the last chemo treatment) and day 3 without the side effect meds-a little rough today-body began ridding itself of food that has been accumulating and sitting in my intestine, which made for frequent trips to the restroom and not much energy to speak of. BUT thank God this is just a part of going THROUGH-because He is taking me through (not leaving me where I am). As I thought about the fact that I would have to lay in the MRI machine on my stomach, I knew I would have to trust God that He would see me through even when it didn't look like I wouldn't be able to make it. I was also thinking about how I hadn't been drinking as much fluids as I should have been especially on a day like today when I knew they would need to start an IV in order to inject me with the radio isotope during the MRI (my veins tend to roll and can be hard to find-not drinking enough fluids would not help the situation). God's response? 1)Blessed the radiologist to get the IV started in one try 2)though being pushed into the MRI machine made me dizzy(no food in system), God gave me peace and kept me calm 3)God kept my stomach in check-throughout the whole MRI 4)brought my first MRI experience back to my remembrance-tears then-no tears this time; stronger in Christ than before "Is there anything too hard for God?" I was supposed to get an echo done on my heart at the same facility right after the MRI but the echo tech had an emergency and had to leave. They ended up sending me to one of the hospitals to get it done so that I wouldn't have to reschedule. Of course you know dr.'s visits with daddy there is going to be some comic relief somewhere lol...so as they were giving us instructions for getting the echo done at the hospital, daddy asked the administrative lady who was going to pay for parking at the hospital and if they were going to pay-i was smiling hoping that the lady would realize he was joking but she didn't get the hint and didn't know what to do. A really nervous expression came across her face and she started digging in her pockets (like she was looking for some change). Finally daddy started laughing and I had to let it out too. Poor lady-lol. I had the echo done at the hospital, first time I had ever actually seen my heart beating-pretty cool and a reminder of how AWESOME God is- the Creator of every living thing and the sustainer of life. I won't get results of the MRI or echo until my Thursday and Friday appointments but the results are in His hands, I know and believe that God's still got me and I'm trusting Him to continue to take me through the process of overcoming. Regardless of where we are God and regardless of what we're going through, God is still God. He doesn't need perfect conditions to bless, to heal or to deliver. He very presence and willing to do so makes for the perfect conditions. If we can just stay focused on Him and continue to persevere.

New year-Same AWESOME GOD!!!

Due to technical difficulties I was not able to watch the live streaming of the whole first night of revival last night, but I God did bless me to hear the choir sing one of my choir jams and to hear the title of the sermon and some of the sermon which was the same as the one of the sermons from the same revival as last year. However I believe that God wanted to bring to my attention the deeper meaning that that title of the sermon, "After All that, I'm Still Here" has at the beginning of 2014. Today God blessed me to complete the 4th of 4 cycles of chemo (before surgery), my first milestone in the healing process. This time I did not start having stomach trouble during and directly after the chemo as I did the last time-TGBTG for that. One funny moment today-after the end of the treatment, when the nurse removed the IV, I started bleeding (more so than just a drop or 2) and she had to apply some pretty firm pressure, she asked me if I could do it but I told her yes but I couldn't do it as hard as she was because it hurt lol, so she held it there until it stopped lol. God blessed me with some great nurses who administered the chemo. They were/are very skilled at what they do yet have good interpersonal skills too. One of them was talking about how today how she will be gearing up for the next semester of school, after maintainig a 4.0 in the masters program. She's also married with kids. Yet always had a smile, would say or do something silly in a minute. I was was blessed by both nurses. I can imagine there are days where they don't feel like dealing with patients yet they still did it anyway consistantly-well atleast while I was there-lol. So many are still praying for me and I still feel their prayers. When I think about how God has continued to be my strength and my sustainer and in my low points always come through my family in Christ, etc. I thank God also for everyone who's been when me from the get go-standing with me in faith and lifting before God in prayer and for those who continue to stand with me in faith and lift me before God in prayer. How blessed I am to have a support system that was bulit by and set in place by my God/our God. I'm just in awe of His goodness and of how AWESOME He is and all I can say is TGBTG! The next steps in the process are: 1)usual day after neulasta injection tomorrow morning (immune support) 2)On Monday-MRI (to give a more accurate picture of the size of the tumor) and EKG (to make sure my heart is still ok) 3)Surgery consultation on Thursday side note: when I was told that we'd be going with the same surgeon that inserted my mediport. I asked about the other surgeon that my oncologist had mentioned previously. However I quickly got on board with the same surgeon who inserted my mediport operating on me again after I found out that the other surgeon had not been there long and I didn't know how much experience he'd had before that job-we'll just pray over the same surgeon that this time there will be no complications rather than going with the new guy; I'll pass on being a guinea pig-lol. 4)Meeting with my breast care doctor the day after. 5)right now looking at surgery being sometime at the end of January 6)follow-up with oncologist (early february) When they do the surgery and remove the tumor they will be able to assess whether or not the cancer mutated and be able to decide on the right post surgery treatment. I was told that I will need to continue recieving doses of the hercepton and projeta via my mediport to bring the duration of those 2 drugs to a year. I will also have to keep the mediport in for an 2yrs as the risk of recurrence is 2yrs. During that time they will be continuing to keep a close eye via MRIs and mammograms. I was also told today that breast conservation is still an option-given the negative test results of the BRACA gene test. Daddy gave me a fresh trim today too. While my hair has already been growing back because it hasn't begun to grow back evenly all the way around-growing alot in some areas and not so much in other areas. I like the way it feels when it's smooth anyway-lol. It'll grow back evenly when the chemo is fully out of my system. Until then I'm going to continue to enjoy the new style;-) I do want to be sure to mention that 2013 was a blessed year! God was good to me all the way through-even throughout the end of 2013 in the battle that we entered (God entered it with me and blessed me with those who would also walk with me). God blessed me with 17 poems some of which He gave me in the midst of battle towards the end of 2013, He blessed me with some of the desires of my heart, used me in new ways- what a privelege and honor and I know God's not done yet, but this journey to overcoming; this current battle is part of preparation for greater ministry. Forward March-TGBTG!!!