1 Chemo Treatment on Halloween: TREAT all the way!!!

1st Chemo treatment on Halloween Day, but no worries here God was with me all the way-treat after treat, after treat, after treat. As I was getting into my daddy's truck about to head to the place where my treatment would be taking place, daddy annointed me with oil and prayed over me. Good news from the dr. when we were called back to talk to him: #1 The BRACA test came back negative meaning I'm not a carrier for breast cancer and a double mastectomy will not have to be considered when the time comes for surgery-Treat/Answered Prayer. #2 While the insurance company had still not approved one of the chemo drugs that he had recommended, the pharmaceutical company was willing to replace the drug-bottom line no money out of my pocket and we were able to proceed with the type of chemo combination treatment that the dr. had recommended. Treat/Answered Prayer. The nurse commented that the area where the mediport was healing up well and asked if it had been in there for a couple of weeks (I'm guessing that may be normal protocol but God had blessed them to get a lot of things done and to make a lot of progress in such a short period of time, that was not the case for me. I just had the mediport surgical procedure last Friday and I'm thankful that God arranged it in such a way that I had to wait until today for treatment.) As she stopped spraying the numbing spray over the skin located on top of the mediport. I asked her if she'd sprayed enough lol, I wasn't trying to feel anything when she stuck the IV into it. Well she did spray some more before sticking it in there I felt quite a bit-it HURT and I had to make a lil sound affect with it but nothing unwholesome lol. Before the actual chemo bags were hooked up, I was given some other meds via the IV that were suppose to counter potential side effects. There was some Benedryl in that combo of meds (rarely ever take over the counter meds-even for headaches I prefer to just sleep it off) and the flow was a little high which made me feel lightheaded but the nurse adjusted that and the lightheadedness went away. That was pretty much the jist of the pain and discomfort. When they added the different backs of the chemo drugs God kept me all the way through it. I actually got hungry again even though I had eaten 2 meals before coming in lol. God just showed all the way out. Even the nurses commented on how well my body ways recieving the treatment. And the one that was tending to me said that if I were going to have any allergic reactions, I would have experienced atleast a hint of them during the treatment but there were none. The treatment was 4hrs. Now I was tired and hungry but compared to what could have happened, that was nothing at all. God continues to bless me through those He's placed in my life including mom and daddy, both sets of parents, brothers and sisters in Christ via presence, calls and txts to check on me,sending cards, bringing flowers, prayers, helping me to remember practical items and also providing them-God using each to encourage me in their own way. The other night one of my brothers in Christ prayed with me and in that prayer He specifically prayed that God would not allow me to want for anything and God has done that. There was a gentleman in who was also recieving treatment that asked my dad if He was a pastor, which he is, and also asked for my name so that he could add me to his church's prayer list. What a blessing-again I say TREAT. It may have been halloween but God showed all the way out and reminded me that He Got me and that He has every angle covered. In Lukes account of the healing of the lunatic/demon-posessed boy, the Holy Spirit brings out the point that God is able to use our sickness for His glory as it provides an opportunity for others to witness the mighty power of God(Luke 9:43). I believe God will get the glory not only as He leads me in this battle but also when he blesses me with the victory. God is so good. I count it a blessing to not only be one of His but also one in who's life He is and will get the glory. TGBTG (To God Be the Glory) "Bless the Lord, O my soul; and all that's within me, bless His holy name." Psalm 103:1

Going with God's Flow

Well today I thought I would be blogging about the 1st chemo treatment but that's not the case. I went in fasted to the doctor's office fasted, and after waiting an hour to be called back, was told that they were still trying to work things out with my insurance regarding the type of chemo we had decided to go with (strongly recommended by the dr.-safer approach). I was given 3 options, pay 7K out of pocket, wait until Thursday (to get the final word from the insurance), or go with a different chemo cocktail. While it was hard to swallow, as I was ready to get the treatment started continuing the forward march towards victory, not to add I was hungry, had missed work, and was wondering why they couldn't have atleast told us, what the deal was when we walked in, ultimately I went with "wait until Thursday". I relayed everything to 3 of my sisters as when we came out(Mom and daddy were in the room with me so they already knew the deal). After saying goodbyes and brief chat, I hopped back in the truck with daddy so I could get back to my apartment and get ready for work. I wanted to atleast get a half day in. The BEST thing about it is that not even that took God by surprise. The other blessing is that tommorrow God-willing I will be able to go to work and participate in the Inspire U activity with my 2 mentees, which is something that I may have had to miss had I had a chemo treatment today. It took a little while but I got over the change in schedule. He knows best and He's still working His plan. I learned while I was there that I needed to eat before chemo because of the potential of blood sugar dropping (I've experience blood sugar dropping before and sho' not trying to go there again lol). The "change of plans" really through me off and I had to really take some time to pray when I got to work but there are so many reasons why Thursday is actually a better day (besides the most important one, because GOD SAID SO, more time for body to recover from the mediport surgical procedure-still not totally adjusted, mentor mentee event which I really didn't want to miss). It's a blessing to have a Heavenly Father Who ALWAYS does what's right and what's best, even when it's contrary to what we think we want. God's still got me and He's still in full control. Things may happen on a different timetable than we've anticipated and prepared for but we've got to remember Who's in control of time and Who's really running things(and for good reason too-nobody on His level;none like Him). Even with the day starting off the way it did, I'm just so thankful. God showed me a glimpse of how blessed I am. Today in addition to daddy helping me with things around my apartment, mom and daddy who were there at the dr's office with me, 3 of my sisters were also there, one of which is part of the cloud of witnesses of breast cancer survivors, this evening family bought and delivered groceries, more family blessing me with furniture and prayed with me while here. All of the family that I mention are family via the blood of Jesus. Other brothers and sisters in Christ are yet praying for me, calling, texting,ect. It's a blessing when people don't just say "you're family" but call you brother, sister, daughter, and mean it-carrying the responsibility that goes along with claiming someone as fam. I believe they know that I'd do the same for them. What a support system God has blessed me with. His grace, His grace, His grace.

PRESS!!!

Yesterday I didn't know if I was going to make it to church this morning, do to physical limitations like still feeling a little on the weak side, pain and soreness, stiffness in my neck that could potentially hinder my driving, but by this morning God had restored the range of motion in my neck (the main thing that would have kept me off the road). Got winded for the 1st time ever trying to take a shower. I just thanked God for sufficient grace and strength for today and prayed before getting on the road and as I was driving. That enemy will sure try to throw some doubt, and excuses at us to try to cause us to turn back and away from our blessing like what he tried to through at me today "you're not feeling up to par, you had to stop and rest this morning-how are you going to make it to church and through church, you're not going to be able to make it through the whole service without feeling like you need to come back home, you can't drive yourself, it's men's day so the word will probably be geared at the men anyway" but we've got to be able to distinguish God's warnings from the enemy's attempts to discourage us and mess with our minds. It's so critical that we stay armored up and prayerful. I felt like I like the woman with the issue of blood was pressing my way through to get to Jesus. Just as our Lord did not disappoint her, I too was blessed. As we already know, the devil is a lie, God blessed me to make it to church and through church and God used the guest preacher, Pastor J.R. Miller to remind me that I'm "A Developing Testimony"-I'm not there yet but God is developing a testimony in my life and that as God is developing a testimony in the lives of His children there are 3 Don'ts: 1)Don't stop praying 2)Don't stop persevering 3)Don't let go of our faith. What a word, What a word. God is always on point in EVERY way-He's just GOOD like that. What an AWESOME God we serve. Now I was worn out after that and making 2 quick stops on the way in BUT it was well worth it. God's grace is always sufficient and He is Faithful. Sometimes in order to get what God has for us we have to be willing to press our way through, be it physical, mental, or even people with bad understandings. God will not leave us hanging. PRESS!!!

Mediport Surgical Procedure-Another Step Forward-TGBTG

On Thursday night, I "accidently" went to sleep without putting my phone on silent as I normally would. I say "accidently" because it was really no accident, God arranged it that way because He knew I would need the phone to be loud enough for me to hear in my sleep when my pastor called to pray with me regarding Friday's procedure. It's a blessing to hear prayers lifted on my behalf and also to know that so many are praying for me. As I have mentioned previously, I can feel the prayers being lifted on my behalf too. Friday: During my quiet time in the study on the healing miracles of Jesus, God in His infinite wisdom, saw fit to remind me through the lady with the issue of blood that my healing is in my faith. It's our faith that makes us whole. Just to clarify that's faith in God alone. Daddy and I arrived to check in a little more than 2 hrs before my procedure was scheduled as we were instructed to get there 2 hrs in advance incase they were able to work me in earlier. As the began the process of getting me situated (bed, checking weight and vitals, asking questions, etc.), I mentioned that had had some water earlier that morning. I knew I had to come in fasted but it hadn't occured to me that I couldn't have water either. Because having any kind of fluid in my stomach including water, had the potential to cause complications during the procedure, the anesthesiologist opted to move another case in front of me to give adequate time for my stomach to empty itself of the water. The case that was moved in front of me was scehduled for a duration of 2hrs. In the meantime daddy and I had some biblestudy. He had also been looking at the woman with the issue of blood. It's something how God works:-) Then one of my sisters suprised me and the 3 of us got to laughn, talking, and cutting up, right there in my rm/area. I was laughn so hard, I was in tears lol. When the time came to get the IV started they ended up having to start it in my hand. I'm so thankful that they'll be able to use the mediport instead of my veins for the chemo, given the trouble that my veins have been giving those who needing to start an IV or draw my blood. The nurse drew blood around from the same place the IV was inserted but only to recieve a call from the lab that more blood would have to be drawn because the cells had been ruptured during the proceess of drawing the blood. However God worked it out so that I was able to give a urine sample instead. (He already knew I wasn't trying to get stuck anymore times than I had too. lol). Before being rolled back the operating room nurse, the surgeon, and the anesthesiologist all came back to talk to me at separate times. I know there's a good reason for why a patient is asked the same questions multiple times by multiple people in the same facility but I told daddy I was gonna make a sign with that information on it and lay it on top of my blanket so I could just point lol. God has blessed me to have only been in the operating room as a young child-adenoids removed, and in the 4th grade having my left elbow set. I had no memories of the inside of an operating room, I'm guessing because I was so young when my adenoids were removed and I laughed myself to sleep under whatever anesthesia they gave me when I had my elbow reset before I even hit the operating room. This time I was still awake when they rolled me into the operating room. the last thing I remember before being was the nurse saying, you're not feeling sleepy yet? No sooner than me saying well a little bit, that was it. Next thing I knew they were rolling me out to recovery with an oxygen mask on my face. The meds they had me on were making me feel like I couldn't take deep breaths and I had pain in the front and in the back. the mediport was placed under my skin on the upper inside area of my left breast (you can actually see a lump where it was placed). I was also told that the procedure took longer because I have protruding collar bones that caused the surgeon to have to go a different route when inserting the mediport. While I was in the recovery area, the anesthesiologist came over to check on me. When I told him about the pain and feeling like I could not take deep breaths, he recommended a different type of pain medicine. It took that pain med less than a minute to kick in. I started getting giggly and by then my dad was also there and I was asking him how people can function on this stuff-lol. I had my dad and the nurse laughing and i was cracking mysekf up too-lol. As the nurse was trying to go over instructions I had to stop and ask my dad if he was listening because I was hearing but not "hearing" because of that last pain med and I was not going to remember what she was saying. Lol. they also offered me something to drink and either graham crackers or saltines. I chose the graham crackers and tore 'em up too (this was around 5pm-1st taste of food that day) and I asked for some for the road too lol-they had me on those meds. They rolled me out to the truck because I wasnt able to walk without assistance yet.From there I felt like I had to really concetrate to give daddy directions on how to get to the places we needed to stop before heading in. Inspite of the pain and discomfort and though an anticipated few hrs had turned into 12 hrs, God still blessed us through His word and blessed us to laugh and the procedure was a success. For that I'm thankful.Coming up the stairs to my apartment was sure a different experience than times past but God blessed me to make it. By the time I got to the top, I had begun to shake (anesthesia wearing off). Daddy helped me get all settled in. watched a few minutes of football before he suggested that I try to go to sleep. After giving me a few minutes and noticing that I hadn't dropped off to sleep yet, he knelt beside my bed and began to pray silently. It wasn't long after that that I felt the peace and comfort of our AWESOME God and I was able to get halfway asleep, which was so much better than wide awake. Before daddy took off he reminded me that God had me (would take care of me) and that God had him too (would take care of him on the road as he made the trip back home). I may have taken a hit physically yesterday, and I may have some scars because of it but most importantly God kept my faith intact. I still trust Him. Another step of forward progress in this journey. TGBTG for that. Even in the roughest days, God is still able to give us reasons to smile, He's still able to show us that He's right there with us, loving us all the way through. We have to make the choice not to get consumed in what we're going through but to with God's help, look for Him and how He will work through that circumstance/situation. We don't need perfect conditions, or a life that is free of pain and difficulty. Nor do we need a life that is free of struggles and challenges. We need the Lord-Thank God for relationship with Him that goes through Jesus Christ.

"Won't He do it!"

This morning He didn't wake me up via the noise of my alarm clock but He woke me up with some of the words of the song "I will be with you" by Richard Smallwood (I'm pretty sure that's the right artist), the part that was playing in my spirit was, "if you will only trust me, trust me, trust me" That was followed by my bible study of observations from healing miracles of Jesus, today was the healing of the 2 demon possessed men. Something to consider...When the demons entered a whole herd of swine, they immediately drove the swine to their physical death, yet when Hesus came upon the two men, they were still physically alive. God did not let those demons drive those men to their physical death. The demons also recognized Who Jesus was and what their final destination entailed-torment. On the way to present at a training session I got stuck in traffic and thought to myself, "traffic wasn't that bad yesterday", I was thinking I was going to have to ask a co-worker who does the presentation with me to cover my part as well because I didn't think I was going to make it but the Holy Spirit said just recalculate on your GPS and get an alternate route. I was less than 5 mins. late, even when initially I didn't think I was going to make it to that 1st session. Even when we think there is no way, God makes a way and shows us the way-"Won't He do it!" There were two sessions a morning and an afternoon. In between the 2 sessions I had to get back to the office to draft a comment on a rule and send it out for review. I thought I'd really be pushing it but the Lord blessed me to get that done with some time to spare-"Won't He do it!" During that time I heard back from the surgeon's office regarding the scheduling of the procedure to insert the mediport. The initial appointment was set for 3:30pm and I had to be fasting from midnight the day before. Of course I asked if there was anything earlier because I was thinking that's a long time with no food lol. But finally just said well whatever I gotta do because I needed that procedure done this week in order for me to have the 1st treatment on next Tuesday. Well about an hour later, I noticed a missed call and a message. It was the surgeon's office again. When I called them back they wanted to know if they could move my appointment up to 8am instead of 3:30pm due to the surgeon having to fit another patient in.God knows our spiritual concerns but He also knows our practical concerns. Sometimes He'll just drop a blessing in our lap, saying to us "I just wanted to remind you that I'm here and yes I hear you, even though you didn't make any comment to me about it (i.e. you thought it and/or told mentioned it to someone other than me)"-"Won't He do it!" When I got back to the office, one of the supervisors told my supervisor that I did an excellent job and was very complimentary of my part of the presentation and when my supervisor relayed that to me, she commented that if you were a little "off", or shaky today, it would have been understandable considering all that's going on with you, but I very pleased to hear how great a job you did. I mention that to point right back to God yet again, when it would seem that we should be unbalanced and falling apart because of cirmcumstances in our personal lives combined with the stress of work-meeting short deadlines and just trying to get everything done that needs to get done, God is able to not only hold us together but give us peace and a confidence in Him and to bless us to excel in the midst of and inspite of-"Won't He do it!" He worked through a few friends to send me the link to poem that just encouraged me and made me smile and another animated text to make me laugh.God is able to keep us encouraged and put a smile on our face and joy in our hearts-"Won't He do it!" God loves us, He's always at work and nothing, is ever out of His control. He will come through if we will only trust Him and walk by faith-"Won't He do it!"

Strategy for Victory-"Time to Put our War Clothes on!"

Today as we waited in for my name to be called and to be escorted to a patient room to discuss treatment strategy with the oncologist, daddy reminded me that it's time to put our war clothes on, hence the title. The Strategy for Victory has both a physical and a spiritual component, gotta add faith AND works. *Btw I'm thankful God has blessed me with a great oncologist; very knowledgable, yet personable, patient, and able to explain the process and specifics effectively. Back to the Strategy for Victory: Physical/Works: -Chemo--> surgery-->chemo--> pills for 5 yrs -most agressive treatment chosen to hit it and hit it HARD -1 Chemo Treatment every 3wks- what a blessing that it's not weekly!(1st treatment next Tuesday) -4-6 cycles (will check progress via an ultrasound after the 1st 2 cylces) *most common side effects (90%) of patients who undergo this type of treatment experience fatigue and hair loss but while I may temporarily lose my hair, God is going to bless me to keep my LIFE! *are there other potential side effects? yes but is that our focus? NO *port for the IV will be surgically placed this week on either Wednesday or Friday whenever the surgeon can fit me in. *MUGA test (for my heart) is scheduled for Monday evening. Spiritual/Faith: War clothes for the child of God is the Armor of God (Ephesians 6:14-17): "Belt of truth"-God's truth will hold us together when nothing else seems to be able to/without it, falling apart is only a matter of time. "Breastplate of righteousness"-upright before God, having put on the righteousness of Christ rather than trying to make our own (our own righteousness is as filthly rags). "Feet fitted with the readiness that fomes from the gospel of peace"-ready to move, nothing like the stability the peace brings to our spiritual stance, easier to advance when our footing is sure "Shield of faith"-gotta have FAITH to quench those fiery darts that the enemy is sure to launch "Helmet of salvation"-let the assurance of our salvation keep our minds; there's nothing that the enemy can say or do that can change our standing with God or erase our name from God's book of Life. "sword of the Spirit"-God's word After suiting up, we must be prayerful (praying in the Spirit not just for ourselves but for all the saints/God's people/believers) and stay alert. You know what's so AWESOME about the armor of God? It is well suited for ANY and ALL battles that we will face in this life. Remember for the armor to be fully effective, we must put on the FULL armor. ARMOR UP!!!

Encouraged & Grateful

What a blessed weekend it has been. I tell you can't nobody do me like Jesus. Friday night He encouraged me through song while at an appreciation service for one of the minister's of music at a local church. Then last night so much fun with my fellow singles in our singles ministry outing for the month. While I was there I was encouraged yet again when friend sent me a photo of breast cancer survivors being honored that night during halftime of a football game-great cloud of witnesses-God is going to bless me to be in that number one day. God did not stop there...as I was looking at the background scripture for the what I thought was the right fulfillment hour (Sunday school) lesson, 2 scriptures resonated with my spirit that give 2 of God's purposes for allowing us to go through: 1) 2 Corinthians 1:4 which says, "Who comforteth us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort them which are in any trouble, by the comfort where with we ourselves are comforted." While going through is ultimately beneficial to us, it's about more than us. There's a bigger picture. God takes us through some things in preparation for Him to use us in greater levels of ministry. 2) 2 Corinthians 1:9 which says, "But we had the sentence of death in ourselves, that we should not trust in ourselves, but in God which raiseth the dead:"-to teach us to trust in Him; so that He can show us via firsthand experience how able and trust-worthy He is, that our faith would be increased that much more. Then during service a word of encouragement shared at church and directed specifically at those who'd ever been diagnosed with any type of cancer. Really blessed me-those words were given to the sister who shared them by God. No doubt in my mind about that and I'm glad she listened and shared. Then after church encouraged even further by the fact that God had raised up another sister to be a part of the support system that He has constructed. Many of the means by which God has encouraged me has come through His people. That is one reason why it's so important that we stay connected to the body and refuse to isolate ourselves from God's people when we're when times get rough. TGBTG for all He's done, is doing and will do.

10/18/13-Biopsy (lymph node) & PET Scan Results and Next Steps

This morning God blessed me with an early morning word of encouragement from one of my big sisters-"Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous! Do not tremble or be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go." Joshua 1:9 What a timely word, as today was the day that I was scheduled to go back to the dr. for results of the diagnostic work done earlier this week (lymph node biopsy and PET Scan). It was just me and daddy at today's appointment we were laughing, talking and having a good time both before and after the dr.'s report-nobody but God could've done that. Before the doctor came in daddy reminded me that we listen to the dr's report but we will not be "alarmed" by what is said; we listen to the dr's report but we do not allow what the dr. says to carry more weight than what God has said. The report: -PET Scan looked good with the exception of the one lymph node that was biopsied-no cancer found anywhere else in my body.(PRAISE report) -blood work looked normal-no cancer markers found in my blood. (PRAISE report) -biopsy on the lymph node did show that it was cancerous-still a PRAISE report because that's only one rather than multiple. -the plan is to shrink the tumor with chemo via an IV (and medi-pack) before surgery followed by more chemo (anticipated 1yr for all this part)and then pills for 5yrs. (PRAISE report the fact that it's treatable, also chemo via an IV rather than other methods, shrinking the tumor to make for a more successful surgery) When they mentioned that this would be a year long process, the specialist who was present said yeah we'll get to know eachother real well including getting to see you turn 30, that kind of stung; not how imagined the big 30 but TGBTG (to God be the Glory) anyhow. He is STILL Good. -this type of tumor feeds on estrogen (good to know-PRAISE report) -the treatment may affect my ability to have kids-BUT I know that my God is able to cause a barren womb to bare a child, so I'm not even worried about it. God's got that too. -I will be able to continue working full-time in spite of the treatment(PRAISE report) The next steps are to meet with the Oncologist on Monday afternoon to talk about the specifics of treatment. Schedule appointment to go and have the medi-pack surgically inserted (this is so they can hook the IV to this rather than having to poke me each time I go in for treatment). They'd like to start treatment as soon as possible. I'll know more about that after the appointment on Monday. "Oh give thanks unto the Lord; for He is good: for His mercy endureth forever." Psalm 136:1 KJV. That last part in the NLT says "...His faithful love endures forever." Things we glean from Psalm 136 in it's entirety: GOD -He is Good -He is God of gods -Lord of lords -does Great wonders all by Himself -made the heavens so skillfully and placed the earth among the waters -made the heavenly lights, set the sun in place for the day and the moon and stars for night BECAUSE OF HIS FAITHFUL LOVE -struck down the 1st born of Egypt -delievered Israel ourt of Egypt with a strong hand and powerful arm -parted the Red Sea and brought israel through but swept Pharoah and his army into the Red Sea -led His people through the wilderness -struck down great kings and killed mighty/powerful kings and gave inheritence to his servant Israel -remembered us in our weakness -saved us from our enemies GOD -gives food to every creature -He is God of heaven Because of God's faithfull love that endures forever, He's STILL Able, and worthy of all glory and praise, He's still delivering and providing for His people; He's still making ways out of no way; He's still available and willing to lead His people through the wildernesses of this life. God is AWESOME and I'm so glad I know Him for myself.

10/17/13

This morning as I took a minute to lay back down to try to settle my stomach which was uneasy for some reason, God brought the words of Jermemiah 17:7 back to remembrance, "Blessed is the man that trusteh in the Lord, and whose hope the Lord is." The NIV version says "But Blessed is the one who trusts in the Lord, whose confidence is in Him." How blessed are they? Well verse 8(NIV) goes on to say "They will be like a tree planted by the water that sends out its roots by the stream. It does not fear when heat comes; its leaves are always green. It has no worries in a year of drought and never fails to produce fruit." When our trust is in God we don't have to be afraid when it get's "hot"; the heat won't phase us, nor will we be consumed with worry when it gets "dry" and in Christ we can still be fruitful in the midst of harsh conditions. God can still use us and work through us while we're yet going through, but we must TRUST. Now about that PET Scan yesterday. That was quite the experience and one that wouldn't mind never having again. After they injected me with the dye to make sure the images show up well, I had to sit for an hour. Before the commencement of the scan, the tech indicated 25mins but I'm wondering if that's just what they tell patients so they won't be thinking about how long they have to be in there because it felt like double that. During the actual scan, I made the mistake of opening my eyes and about halfway through, like better started sinking in the water, I started goin down...feeling closterphobic, mouth dry, shoulders hurting, trying to take deep breaths, I felt a panic coming on. So I started praying, and when it seemed like not even that was helping, I heard the technician say, "Ms. Johnson are you ok?" Isn't that just like God? When it seems like we're going down, sinking...sinking...sinking...He comes to our rescue. After I explained what was going on he allowed me to rest my arms in a different position, and gave me a warm sheet before continuing the scan. God got me through. After the scan was complete and I had gotten dressed I hear the tech say don't get too excited. Come to find out they ran into technical difficulties with the computer system, had to restart the computer and were missing all of the images from the second half of the scan! So they escorted me to a room to wait for them to get everything set up again, which took a minute-I'd say atleast 30+. Thankfully the second time around, God blessed me to sleep through most of the scan. A much more pleasant experience. Thank God for His Grace. He ALWAYS comes through, when we look to Him and we can trust that He will ALWAYS be there. I'm so thankful for how God has continued to be my Sustainer. I was encouraged even further at church as brothers and sisters in Christ shared words of encouragement and as me and another sister were surrounded by many who were at Wednesday night service last night as our pastor prayed over us with the saints touching and agreeing. I found myself trying to encourage those who were shedding tears for us, letting them know I'm alright, not worried and that God's got me. I can feel all of the prayers that are being prayed on my behalf and for that I'm grateful. For every word of encouragement(in person, txt or phone call, emails), every hug and smile; I'm so very thankful and appreciative. Even after choir rehearsal tonight-much love recieved. God is so good and through His people and other ways, I can see His hand at work even now. Our faith must have substance. We can't gain that if we never go through anything. Romans 12:12 says "Rejoicing in hope; patient in tribulation; continuing instant in prayer." That is what I will continue to do with God's help. Towards the end of our Experiencing God course over the summer, I shared with my class that there would come a point when God would test us regarding those things that He spoke to us and taught us during the course. I guess it's my turn but it's a privilege to with God's help lead by example. It's all for His glory. Tomorrow I go back in for the results of the second biopsy (swollen lymph node) and the PET scan. "Blessed is the man that trusteth in the Lord, and whose hope the Lord is." I trust Him. No other Help I know.

10/15/13

I missed playing ball today and had a few of my ball'n buddies who saw me on a cardio machine rather than on the court asked if I was playing. Felt like more than just saying that I would have to catch 'em on Thursday, that I had to share the reason behind it, but also share why I'm not worried and how I know that God's got me. While out of the office yesterday, as I communicated with my supervisor via text and email, I indicated that I would talk to her more about it when I got back to the office. Well today was that day. She mentioned that she didn't know what to say and was in shock when she recieved the news initially because I do all the right things as far as eating and health. But my situation is a case in point that we can eat right and exercise all we want but ultimately it's up to God and that's basically what I shared with her-we do our part but the rest is up to God. My faith is still in my God the same place it was before cancer and the same place it will be all the way through this journey to victory over cancer and where it will be when He has blessed me to overcome. I'm thankful the Lord held me together during the conversation. Sharing news like this with someone face-to-face seeing their facial expression, feeling sad and sorry for you or in shock can be challenging. You can walk in feeling fine and confident then you see them and then it's like "Lord hold me together." But our God is so Faithful. He came through. I was thinking about this evening how it seems as though God has placed around me a great cloud of breast cancer survivor witnesses, who are women of God, who have already in such a short time encouraged me via texts, phone calls, face-to-face, let me know that they're there for me (not just saying it to be nice but who really mean it) and are praying for me. God is so GOOD, always looking out for His children and reminding them that He's there, that He knows and that He cares. God continues to prove His love for me,that He's with me every step of the way and that He is my Provider and will not fall short of that. That's our Heavenly Father, the Greatest Father of all-time. PET Scan in the morning...time to call it a night.

biopsy #2, & BRAC-Still Encouraged

My quiet time this morning ended with Romans 11:36, which says, "For everything comes from Him and exists by His Power and is intended for His glory. All glory to Him forever! Amen" (NLT) that really resonated with me considering this new territory that God is leading me through. Yet another reminder that He is with me. Sometimes if we're not careful; if we don't keep our guard up, we can lose sight of the fact of one of te main purposes of our life-God's glory. Our life is not about us, it's not about being comfortable all of the time, it's meant for God's glory. It's all about the One Who made us and Sustains us. I believe that through this battle with breast cancer and the Victory that He will give me over breast cancer will give Him glory. God is able to get the glory in our battles when we choose to allow God to be our Commander, applying Proverbs 3:5-6 "Trust in The Lord with all thine heart and lean not on thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge Him and He shall direct thy paths."

Today was the 2nd biopsy which I mentioned in the previous post. This 1 was done on a lymph node that was swollen. prayerfully the results will reveal that its just inflamed and benign. Before the procedure one of the assistants tried to encouragem me saying cancer is not what it used to be and that we were gonna beat it. i had to quickly chime in and assure her that i was not worry because this did not take God by surprise and that nothing comes into my life without His permission. when we know Who is in control, Who it is that allowed it we can be confident that Everything is going to be alright and it will be more than a feeling that eerything is going to be alright. we can say we know and beliebe everything is gonna be alright. God blessed the procedure to go well. Me and the radiologist talked suing most alot during this biospy as we did suring the 1st one. Having a radiologist who likes to talk and joke ( as long as it doesnt distract them from the task at hand) really helps one get through the procedure. there were 2 assistants this time, one of which was holding my hand the whole time and telling me to squeeze if anything hurt. Well this was kind of funny because I felt like she was squeezing my hand harder than I was squeezing hers lol. Then towards the end she said I was gripping kind of tight, I guess I was squeezing hard than I thought. Lol  I had to have blood drawn for the BRACS test following the biopsy. The dr. requested this because of my age (29), which is young for a breast cancer diagnosis. I'm thankful this time they were able to get it with one stick. Last Friday they stuck me multiple times but were unsuccessful with each attempt. You better believe I was drinking that water and parting this time around; God took care of the rest and I am thankful. Blessed again by the presence of my daddy and to be able to spend some quality time with him after finishing up at the dr. I'm also very grateful and blessed by others including my mom ad dad in Cali who have shown their love and support- mom, "adopted" fam who've taken time out of their day to be with me at an appointment and for all friends and fam who've been praying for me and encouraging me via txts, phone calls. With that in addition to knowing and believing God is with me, I can't help but to continue to be encouraged, joyful and to keep on keeping on as the saying goes. This Wednesday is the PET scan. God Bless & KTF

From "probably nothing" to breast cancer diagnosis

A little over a month ago during my yearly physical, the nurse practician, felt a lump. Even though she said it was probably nothing, she gave me a referral for a breast ultrasound to make sure. So I scheduled the ultrasound. Next was the follow-up results. Sitting in the room waiting for the dr. To come in with breast cancer images, pictures and diagrams was intimidating and scary to say the least and it seemed to take forever for the dr. to come in. One person comes in asking questions to obtain information needed for the required paperwork. Then a second person with more questions an paperwork. Next the nurse practicianer who conducted a breast exam and FINALLY the dr. who also conducted a breast exam. That visit ended with an " I don't think it's cancer but rather a benign lump, but because there's a discrepancy in the size of the lump, I want you to come have an MRI done." I left there encouraged and thankful, that was good news she seemed fairly confident that there was no need to be concerned about any abnormalities.  The MRI was to be scheduled 2 wks from that day and that was quite an experience. I had it done on a Tuesday. I know it was only God's Grace that kept me through that too. During the MRI I prayed and shed some tears as I was praying to my Loving Heavenly Father Who cares for all of His children including me. Towards the end of the MRI I felt His Peace in the midst of the loud noise and vibrations of the machine. An illustration of how God can give us peace in the midst of the "noises" of life. I received results of the MRI on Friday of that same week. According to the dr. the appearance was atypical for cancer but suspicious, so she said a biopsy of the mass was in order. A mamogram and another ultrasound was required in preparation for the biopsy as well. 3 days later I was back for a biopsy of the mass. God Blessed everything to go smoothly, laughed and talked with the radiologist the whole time. Recovery was excellent too. No pain meds, no Tylenol and no ice needed.  This past Friday (as in 2 days ago), i recieved the diagnosis from the dr. that I have cancer but that it did not appear to be the invasive type. that in and of itself was a blessing! as she continued to talk explaining the next steps including how i would need to have a biopsy on a lymph node that was swollen, have a BRAC test run on my blood, as well as a PET Scan to make sure there was no cancer anywhere else in my body and how i would need to meet with a plastic surgeon and an oncology surgeon because the removal of the mass would require reconstruction of my right breast. I thought what about my future husband, but the holy Spirit quickly countered that assuring me that that would not be an issue with the man He has for me and that it will only make it easier for him to see the beauty that counts the most- whats on the inside. they tried to draw blood druing that same appointment but after 5 sticks were unsuccessful and decided to postpone until Monday before the 2nd biopsy. So that's where we are now. Buioosy #2  and blood drawn tomorrow, PET Scan on Wednesday and reaulta on Friday. Through out the process so far I have been so blessed by those whom God has strategically placed in my life fam, and adopted fam, brothers and sisters in Christ- prayer warriors and encouragers who walk and live by faith and are strong in their faith in each of those categories. I'm so grateful to God for each of them (they all know who they are). I am so encouraged because of who God is and because I see Him at work even now. That's why I can laugh and joke and enjoy life even now. In fact was blessed in our singles real talk yeterday followed by spending time with fam in Kingsville the other part of yesterday and driving back after church with them this afternoon. I in Whom I place my complete hipe trust and confidence- none other than my Awesome God. A few weeks ago, God put in my spirit that I was not going anywhere until He had accomplished His plan for my life and I believe Him. For His word is the absolute truth; it's concrete. Romans 8:28 says "we know that all things work together for the good of them who love The Lord and are called according to His purpose." And I believe that. Romans 8:37 says "nay in all these things[tribulation-trouble, distress, persecution,or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword-wars] we are more than conquerors through Him that loved us." And I believe that. I know God's got me and I thank Him in advance for the Victory; for Blessing me to Overcome! TGBTG!!!