"Rainy Season" -yet encouraged and thankful

After falling asleep around 8:30pm last night,I found myself awake right around 11:45pm. I "chatted" via text with a dear sister in Christ who is one of the breast cancer overcomers that God has placed in my life,and was still up wide awake, until about 1am. After that, still unable to go to sleep, I pulled out the textbook I've mentioned before (Systematic Theology), so that I could go ahead and type up the answers to the Questions for Application at the end of the last chapter I had finished. Next I was led to look at one of the poems God had given me the words to write. The title to this one needed some tweaking, after praying and waiting God responded with the new title. I was thankful to be able to finalize that one. Then He prompted me to open the document that I keep called "Poems Under Construction". The reason I have this document is because sometimes God will give me a whole poem in one setting but then there are other times where He will give me part of one and then give me the rest of it at another time (day(s) or even month(s)) later. Anyway when I opened it up there was a small peice of a poem that was then titled "Look for the Rainbow" as someone had given me that title and said see what you can come up with regarding that. The Lord began to give me the rest of the poem until it was finished. He gave me the title He wanted-"Rainy Season". I was so thankful God gave me the words to pen another poem-to me this alone made the hours of sleep lost well worth it. I've inserted the poem God gave me below. Prayerfully those who read it will hear God speaking to them and encouraging them as they read it. Rainy Season By Summer L. Johnson Rain, rain, rain, and more rain… Father, will You please send the sun my way? If You could give me just a moment of relief, because my spirit is growing oh so weak. The rain seems to have become a permanent environment. This can’t be how You meant for the days of my life to be spent. When You caused it to rain 40 days and 40 nights, Father, even Noah had an ark, but I have nothing - I feel like I’m in the dark. God, I’m just being honest with You, because You said I could always come to You. You said I could “cast my cares on You because You care for me” - well, here I am, trying my best to lay it all at Your feet. I cannot see what Your plan is for me, Nor how You’re going to work it out for my good - though I really wish I could. I’m trying my best to keep the faith, but Father - please, I need a break. Just a short one is all I ask, then for sure I know I’d last. Dear child of Mine, I’m so proud of you for coming to Me and for praying so earnestly. You are absolutely right about casting your cares on Me, because I DO care for you - I LOVE you! I see you trying your best but struggling, so let Me now put your mind and spirit at rest. Yes, I’m taking you through a rainy season, so you can trust that it’s not permanent, nor is it without reason. I have a special purpose for your life that in preparation requires more rain than 40 days and nights. True, Noah had an ark but you have My constant presence - I am your refuge when it’s storming and dark. And it’s ok if you cannot see - no one should be in the driver’s seat of your life but Me - and I, the Creator of vision see perfectly - it’s more important that you keep your eyes on Me. When have I ever forsaken you, not kept My word, or flat out not come through? That’s right, never - because it’s just not in My nature to do. I know you, I love you, and My grace is sufficient. Trust me - this is not the end; you’re going to pull through. Thank you, Father, for once again coming to my rescue, And for listening so patiently though You knew my words, thoughts and feelings before I even opened my mouth to speak, Then sharing with me from Your heart, so full of love, You really encouraged me. You’re so welcome! You know you can ALWAYS count on me! Now get some sleep. 12/28/13 It wasn't long after finishing this poem that God blessed me to go to sleep for about 1.5hrs before waking me up in time to get to Whole Foods before they opened. I wanted to get there early because I'm still trying to stay away from crowds and I wanted to get in and out before the grocery store crowd. This poem and the message in it was confirmed when I recieved a text from one who is another mother to me, relaying to me that I was in her dream and that the only part of the dream that she could remember was that there was a flood coming and her and her hubby (another dad to me) already knew how to get to the top of the mountain to take shelter from the flood and all of the sudden I showed up, but for some reason couldn't climb the mountain. She remembered wondering why with my youth and strength, I couldn't get up there. She told me exactly how to climb the mountain, "put your feet in the clef of the mountain and hold on, keep going" and said that I would almost make it to the top but would slide back down, but I didn't give up. Enouraging me she said, "you can do this baby girl, keep going." Finally I reached the top, they grabbed my hand and everything was ok was good. She also mentioned the smile that I had on my face when I reached the top of the mountain. Then she woke up to find the email where I had sent her the poem inserted above, Rainy Season. In poem above God reminded me that He's going to bring me through and He confirmed it with momma's dream-reaching the top of the mountain with a smile on my face (made me think of another poem God gave me called, "I'm Still Smiling") The poem is another case in point of Romans 8:28 "And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose." and a reminder that God is purposeful in EVERYTHING that He does and allows. Would I have liked to slept through the night-initially yes but if I had the option of going back and changing the events of last night and this morning, I would not. I'm thankful God gave me the grace to hear Him rather than getting all bent out of shape and being upset all night. In addition to the blessings mentioned above, God has blessed my energy level to be better today, I've not had any stomach/digestion issues and even been able to add some vegetables back in my diet. I hope to be able to add my solid protein (chicken, turkey, and fish) back in in the next day or two. I'm thankful for the progress.

Update

Early Friday morning God blessed me to set foot in the gym for the first time since around mid October. I have been doing workouts at home with adjustable dumbells as strength, energy and food intake allowed and while challenging still not like being in the gym. i had a good workout-stuck to weights only. When I went God arranged it so that there were few people there at that time too. Then I was blessed when when I arrived at work as God opened a door for me to share with one of the security guards who had noticed that I had cut my locs. He asked my age and commented about my being so young to have cancer. My response was that the doctors had also run a test to check to see if I'm a carrier for breast cancer and they found that I was not, the conversation also included sharing that God takes us through things in life to develop our faith and that this was my "thing" but that God had been blessing me through it and in the midst of it and yes I was still smiling because I had no reason to be discouraged. After talking for a little while I was like, "man I'd better get on to work." As the conversation ended he smiled as one who was encouraged in the Lord and not one that felt sorry for me. When I got to my desk I had to thank God-it's a blessing to be able to share with others, and speak confidently with a smile on my face about my current but temporary condition without having to say in my head, "hold it together" and without having to fight off tears-To God be ALL the Glory for I know it's Him and only Him that has given me that kind of assurance and faith in Him. Those 2 things just made my Friday:-) Friday morning was also my last dose of meds for the side effects and by Saturday evening I my body was flushing out food eaten since then. Yesterday I thought I had hit a stopping point with the flushing drinking carrot juice and eating a special kind of pretzels that are dairy free, egg free, gluten free, nut free and soy free but that last serving of carrot juice seemed to set it off again. Even while I'm dealing with my digestive system being out of whack due to coming off my 3 days of meds, I can look forward with a smile on my face and with grattitude because this is the second to last time I will have to deal with this on this side of the surgery (just one more chemo treatment left). This weekend and today for the most part were stay-in-the bed type days, but over the weekend while I was on the phone and even while on the phone today, God worked it out so that I wasn't having "issues"/an episode that required time on the porcelain during those times. That too was a blessing. I'm up now with stomach "issues" but prayerfully God will bless me to be able to ride without any problems when my dad comes to pick me up later on this morning so that I can celebrate Christmas with the fam as well as his birthday. Like Thanksgiving, I won't be able to partake in the traditional holiday foods but I'm sure looking forward to some more of that homemade chicken broth :-)

Chemo Round 3 on Board

I had actually been looking forward to the chemo treatment today, excited that it would be the 3rd of a total of 4 rounds that I have to go through before surgery. Completing the chemo will also be my first milestone in the treatment process. As I was walking down the stairs leaving work yesterday evening, God reminded me to be on the look out for the enemy to try to throw something at me to discourage me. Well today that attempt came as during our usual pre-treatment meeting with the dr. who's overseeing my chemo. He told me something different than what my other dr. relayed last week in our visit following the ultrasound-usually she tends toward the worst case scenerio side and he tends to share news that's more on the optomistic side however that wasn't quite the case this time. Today he told me and daddy, that based on the unltrasound since the type of breast cancer I have is "shadowy" shrinkage is hard to determine but that if the chemo wasn't working the mass would have doubled in size by now. When my other doctor made the comments she did, she was using physical evidence from her examine on me in addition to the ultrasound. He was just going by the ultrasound. He also told me that the surgeon will most likely recommend a mastectomy. This was one of those reports that as daddy would say, we hear but don't hear. I really believe that the enemy was trying to use this to discourage me but my God ALWAYS does what's Best and I Trust Him to just that in this situation too. Dr.'s can only go by analysis and what they see but the results are not determined by their observations and opinions but by God Who is sovereign and has the power to speak and it be so. I still trust Him. He's got me and He's got this. The past two weeks have been excpetional food wise (able to keep food in my system for the most part) but stomach started feeling weird during today's chemo and after it was done. Food not digesting well but I'm going to keep eating and trying to find something that will work as my body re-adjusts. God blessed us (me and daddy) to get a lot done today after chemo-tired now but I'm going to hit the bed shortly. God gave us enough grace to get done what needed to be done and for that I'm thankful.

BLESSED!!!

On Wednesday night I mentioned that I went to listen to the first night of Candlelight rehearsal with the special guest. I didn't mention that the reason I went that night, was because I didn't think I would be able to be there Saturday night (tonight) because of the crowd that would be there. In fact I had told others that had asked if I was going that I wouldn't be able to make it there to be a part of it in person. Well guess where I came in from just a few minutes shy of an hour ago?! Candlelight!!! I got there an 1hr and 15mins early and sat in the balcony with the sound team (with the permission of my pastor, whom I had checked with earlier). The door to the balcony was open when I got there and someone from the sound team was already up there-that was answered prayer-I had earlier laid in God's hadns all of the logistics in working it out so that I could get up to the balcony before many people arrived so that I wouldn't have to come in contact with a lot of people-still have to be careful about germs and crowds. We had praise and worship service and I may not have been able to be in the Candlelight choir this year but I was sho' singn, rockn, and getting my praise on like I was lol. In addition to the choir singing God blessed us through a husband and wife mime team. Seeing them mime together was perfect visual of a husband and wife that are equally yoked. I also thought how awesome it must be to be able to minister with one's spouse. I'm not there yet but I know God's got that area of my life covered as well:-) Anyway to close it out, the last song the choir sang talked about God being a MIGHTY God-in other words God's message to me through that song was before you head back to your apartment and as you continue on this journey, remember that "I AM MIGHTY." After the choir finished, I began gathering up my stuff and putting on my jacket to go and as I turned back around and looked at the choir, one of my sisters blew me a kiss from the choir stand and another one of my sisters did the same. They look out for me, there for me, will speak up on my behalf, fuss, pray for me, and really have my best interest at heart-my big sisters from other mothers-they demonstrate there love even more so than they say it-they are both a blessing. God arranged it that I was leaving early to avoid the crowd, I "ran into" some more sisters in Christ, one of which had been praying for me and just yesterday told me in a text that she hoped to see my smiling face soon-and when I saw her this evening a hug it didn't take her long to ask if I was suppose to be out tonight-lol. The other also one who's been praying for me and gave me several hugs and while happy to see me, seemed to be holding back tears. If I was going to be limited on hugs and who I was able to speak to atleast briefly I was thankful God picked these too. I know that being there tonight was His will; confirmation in several ways. God just keeps on blessing over and over and over again!!!

Ultrasound and Follow-up with Doctor-Another Good Report!!!

Early early last Sunday morning I checked and noticed that the mass in my breast had shrunken noticably. Since then I had been looking forward to today's ultrasound and follow-up with the dr. that gave me the diagnosis. I went in expecting a good report but I didn't know just how good it would be. God has showed out yet again! Might I also add that God has blessed my stomach/digestion to be doing a lot better. No more waking up in the mornings with stomach "issues". Now I'm slowly trying to integrate veggies back in my diet, which I had to cut due to my stomach issues. Ok back to the report from the ultrasound & dr.: -the ultrasound tech couldn't even find the one lymph node they biopsied and found cancer in previously, which was a good thing-no longer swollen -the dr. could not find the lymph node either when she examined me -according to the dr. judging from the lymph node, the shrinkage of the mass in my breast is 85-90%!!! -because of such a great response they're continuing the chemo (total of 4 cycles-2 down and 2 to go-#3 on Tuesday) -why continue with the chemo? they want to shrink it as much as possible prior to surgery-the smaller they can get it, the less tissue the surgeon will have to remove during surgery; had the response not been good, they would have stopped the chemo and switched gears to surgery -both the ultra sound tech, the dr. and her assistant complimented me on my new do too. I appreciated that:-) Daddy came with me to the appointment and I asked him to bring his clippers again because my hair was starting to grow back some.He cut it back down for me earlier this evening. I had told him we had to get a picture of us with our similar hairdos (mine is shorter than his though lol). We did that before he got back on the rd. I have good medical team but I can't give them the glory and credit for the healing that's taking place. The chemo drugs that I'm being treated with on paper are the best approach for dealing with the type of breast cancer I have but I cannot give credit there either but it is God and God alone Who deserves all of the PRAISE, GLORY, & HONOR for the healing that He is causing to occur in my body. He is working through the team that is responsible for my treatment and through the chemo that is being administered. Without God the efforts of the team and the chemo itself would be ineffective. God has brought me so far so quickly and I know He's still at work as He continues to bless me to progress in this healing process.

12/11/13

Tonight was the first night of rehearsal with the special guest for this year's Candlelight at my church. (Candlelight is an annual worship in song in which there is a guest clinician.) I'm not able to participate with the choir this year, but I know that's not the end of the story. I miss being in the choir and my choir fam and being in church. While I'm thankful that my church live streaming of the service, it's not the same as being there in person. I went to rehearsal tonight timing it so that I was 30 minutes late so that I wouldn't have the opportunity to hug everybody because I still have to be careful about exposures to germs and crowds (it's easier for me not to even set myself up because I miss them and do want to hug). I sat in the back so I wouldn't draw attention. My prayer on the way was that I didn't want to have to watch anyone's kids(really have to watch it germ wise around them) and I just wanted to sit in the back and listen. Well God took it beyond that. Though got there late, God arranged it so that 3 of my sisters were running late and I was able to get 3 hugs :-) I was so happy to see them. I was so blessed just to see my choir fam and to be able to sing along and jam right along with them from my seat in the back. Even before I left the house I was just cheesing-lol. I was blessed just to hear the word that the special guest shared before he began teaching songs. I had to take some notes in my phone. I won't share all that he shared or all of my notes but some highlights: -don't underestimate the Power of music-if not careful we can do damage instead of ministering to people -talked about the "Lucifer syndrome" still exists today-the attitude "look at me"; "look at how well I did/can do"-we've got to remember it's not about us; gotta remember God is the only One deserving of ALL of the Glory and ALL of the Honor, and ALL of the Praise, and ALL of the worship -For every call, there is provision-God has already given us everything we need to handle it/to walk in our calling -we ought to do such a good job that others don't see us but they instead see God/whatever we do oughta point to Him because people don't need to be led to us but God-we can't save and deliver but He can After I walked out of the sanctuary I heard our minister of music say, "did yal see Summer?" so I ducked back in there where I recieved a resounding we love you in unison and waves from everyone. I love them too. I look forward to getting back up there and sitting next to my back row buddies-yes I sit in the very back row lol. Nothing deep I just so grateful to have been able to go tonight. Just blessed, blessed, blessed. I figured since it didn't feel as cold as it had been, may I wouldn't get as many "whoop'ns" for being out instead of at home resting. Lol. Well I really oughta call it a night now. What a way to close the evening. God ALWAYS knows what we need, when we need it and I thank Him for not only knowing but for PROVIDING.

Good Report and a New do :-)

This afternoon was my follow-up doctor's appointment. As mom,daddy and I were being escorted to room we'd be in, the lady commented that I looked good and that I had a smile on my face. I thought in my mind I don't have a reason to be down and depressed...God blessed me with a good report: -White blood cell count is good-actually on the high side (not a bad thing) -red blood cell and platelet counts are both good -I will have a total of 4 chemo treatments before consult with the surgeon for surgery (already halfway through) -scheduled for an ultrasound to assess the effectiveness of the chemo -next treatment on the 17th -weight was down 12 lbs (unintentionally)-I know a lot of it was muscle because of the stomach/digestion issues and not being able to eat much especially in the area of protein but yesterday and God is blessing me to get the protein worked back in-not where I need to be yet but moving in the right direction. I know this is only a temporary season. and that God-willing the day is coming that I will be back in the gym playing ball and hitting the weights. Now about that new do:-) In last night's post I mentioned how I was going to have to let my locs go and that I had asked my daddy to bring his clippers with him today since he would be here for the appointment. Mom came too and brought hats and scarves for me with her. I said yesterday that I couldn't promise that I wouldn't shed any tears but as daddy was cutting my hair instead of tears God blessed us to laugh and have fun. I kept laughing and jumped a few times as daddy was going back over my head to get it as smooth as possible because it tickled when he went over certain areas lol. When I looked in the mirror I actually like my new do. I'm thankful to have been blessed with a head with no knots or hooks lol. This style is as low maintenance as it gets and those who know me know that when it comes to hair, I'm all about that. :-) After daddy finished mom washed my head and rubbed a mixture of oils on it for me. Then they had me playing dress-up with the different hats and scarves that mom had bought for me. If it were'nt so cold outside I could go out with no hats or scarves. Again I say what a God, what a God! Not only did He bless me with a good report during my follow-up appointment but He blessed me to enjoy the process of getting a new do and to like the new do itself. Where I thought there might be a little sorrow, He gave joy and laughter. God's hand is still at work in and through my situation-yes I'm smiling. God is with me.

"It is was it is"-Moving Foward

Everyday hasn't been a good day but you know today's blessings included it just being a good day. In the last post I mentioned my stomach/didgestion issues that I had been dealing with. Well those issues extended into Monday and yesterday. When I went to have my blood drawn yesterday morning before work, I let them know about the stomach/digestion issues I was having-namely diarrhea, where I may be able to eat light- broth, crackers, sweet potato, rice and that may stay in my stomach for the day but the next morning my body would dump it all back out. A couple days like Monday when my body decided that it was going to reject saltine crackers after I had been eating them on previous days or like yesterday when my body decided that after one day it was going to reject sweet potatoes, it didn't even wait until morning to hit. Monday night I even tried the one med that I mentioned that I was trying to do without but it did not seem to make much difference. On the one occassion where I tried immodium when I experienced diarrhea following the 1st treatment, it only plugged me up and made me nauseous because my body still wanted to get rid of the food one way or another. Anyway they gave me a prescription for an anti-diarrhea medicine telling me that hopefully that would stop the diarrhea without making me nauseous. I took the prescription to have it filled but after thinking more about it, it seemed more like it would be putting a bandaid on it rather than really trying to fix the real issue with my digestive system like replenishing the good bacteria in my gut, etc. I also determined that I would go talk to one of my buddies at Cost Plus (nutrition store) to see what suggestions they might have. In addition to that plan I got some feedback from a dear sister in Christ who is amongst those in the cloud of witnesses of cancer survivors that God has placed in my life, if she'd experienced diarrhea as a side effect of the chemo. She shared that she basically went the "it is what it is route" and she ate anyway. That helped firm up the route that I too would decide to take. On the way home instead of going to Cost Plus first, I stopped at Sprouts so I wouldn't have to double back (when driving in from work I get to Sprouts before Cost Plus). God arranged it so that while I was walking around mainly trying to pick up different sources of protein and a little fat (healthy of course), I ran into my buddy that works in the Sprouts vitamins and nutrition area. As the conversation went on I eventually had to share with him what was going on. He suggested a good probiotic, one that he actually takes himself and he also shared with me that glutamine was popular with chemo patients that shopped. Not only was it good for boosting the immune system but also for helping with stomach issues. I had forgotten that it was good for the immune system but I did not know that it helped with the stomach as well. My new plan from then on was to take the probiotic and glutamine and to continue to try different foods to see what would work best but also realizing that I may have to deal with the side effect of diarrhea for a little while as my dear sister in Christ put it the "is what it is" approach. I can say today I was able to eat more which this time actually included protein which I know my body was in desperate need of. Today I felt stronger than I did yesterday too. Stomach issues this morning were not as severe as they had been and no issues during the day. Seems like God is blessing something to work without having to use any extra prescription drugs and I'm thankful. I had been losing a loc here and a loc there but today I lost several. I had observed recently that the hairloss on the side edges was very noticable as well. Upon closer examination I noticed that there were more locs that were seperated from my scalp and that it would be a matter of time before they fell out too. I said I would wait to see if God would allow me to be one of the ones who kept their hair inspite of the chemo before I made the decision to cut and shave it. Now I know that He did not see fit for it to be that way but I'm still thankful that He blessed me to keep my hair as long as He did. With a hat on the hairloss was less noticable-just yesterday someone was complimenting my locs but God's will is God's will and God ALWAYS does what's BEST. I have no choice put to trust Him with this too. He actually gave me a poem called "Beautiful" that I shared with a few but I believe that poem was for me too and that He was preparing me to be able to make the decision to let the hair go. Tommorrow I have a follow-up appointment with the dr. which my daddy is planning to be here for. I went ahead and asked him to bring his clippers. I can't promise that no tears will be shed as he cuts but To God Be ALL the glory. I was blessed when I shared it with two of my sisters one offered to cut it for me and the other offered to have hers cut. Mom has offered to pick up some hats and scarves for me tomorrow and send them with daddy. The same dear sister in Christ that I mentioned above in dealing with the stomach/digestion issues was there to advice and encourage yet again. Yet again those in the support system that God has assembled is being used by Him to be a blessing-what a God, what a God! I've lost physical muscle and now I will temporarily lose my hair but God is blessing me to gain more spiritual muscle and He continues to give me life day by day. Marvin Sapp's song "I Win" has been in my spirit too. In Christ we WIN! We must refuse to let the enemy, or any struggle or storm, and no not even self cause us to believe any different. No matter what kind of war we're in, in Christ we WIN!

Happy Thanksgiving!!!

Thanksgiving Day 2013 experienced in the midst of a battle but to God Be The Glory the battle thus far has not made me bitter but God is using it to make me better, to mold and shape me to be more like Him, to strengthen my faith, while putting it on display, to strengthen our bond and that He would get the glory in my life. People often comment on how tight my daddy and I are. It's because we've been through some things together and he's been there-a loving father all of my life. As I began listing reasons why God is allowing me to go through this He reminded me that just as going through some things with my daddy who's been there for me all my life has helped to make our father-daughter bond so strong, God is using this battle to strengthen our Heavenly Father-daughter bond. For as much as my daddy has and does love me, God loves me more and more perfectly and as much as my daddy has always had my back (and still does), I know that my Heavenly Father has my back in a way that only He could have my back; in a way that far extends the abilities of man for "He is God alone" and as constant as my daddy has been in my life, my Heavenly Father has been and is even more constant for "He changes not." With that I'd just like to highlight a few things that I'm thankful for: -I'm thankful for not only life but life in Christ-it's a privilege to have a relationship that goes deeper than my salvation through Him and just to know Him for myself more and more; He's my Strength and my Sustainer. The faith that I have came from Him too. -I'm thankful for Him enabling me to see His hand at work in my life (even through and in the midst of this battle)-always reminded of His presence-what an encouragement that is in and of itself. -I'm thankful for a lil bro from another mother who was willing to stop and pick me up in one town and drop me off at the house in another town on his way in for the Thanksgiving break and who without hesitation is willing to drive me back (I'm not quite back to the driving shape I was in when it comes to driving out of town and especially with the stomach/digestion issues I had been having the past couple days was and praying that I would be able to ride without any issues-btw God answered that prayer:-) ). -I'm thankful for the support system that God has placed around me and for His love that I continue to feel through them and for Him blessing me with the words to a poem especially for them that I was able to send them via txt. While it was for them, it blessed me because it's through those expressions that God gives me for others to be blessed by that I find joy. -I wasn't able to eat any of the traditional Thanksgiving food but my oh my, God blessed me to be able to eat some of my daddy's homemade chicken stock/broth with some brown rice and crackers-better than that camble's ummm ummm good; love my daddy's cooking. This morning when I prayed I thanked God in advance for whatever He'd allow me to consume and keep in my system and all day I really didn't have any major issues-this evening I messed up with my protein shake but when I consider how my stomach felt all day my I was in fair shape for more than not so fair shape-God did it! -I'm thankful to have been able to come home to family, to watch some NFL and a good movie. -I'm thankful for the Victory over breast cancer that is on the way; well actually already in progress. God has given me and continues to give me so much to be thankful for and it's impossible to list them all-none of which I'm deserving of. "God is GOOD all the time and all the time God is GOOD!!!" "In everything give thanks: for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you." 1 Thessalonians 5:18

Day 5 (following chemo round 2)

Today marked day 5 following chemo round 2. *side effect meds taken up to the 3rd day following a treatment. Following the first round of chemo, I began feeling the side effects on day 4 but with round 2 side effects seemed to wait until day 5. From my body basically flushing my system of the food consumed yesterday-without proper digestion (and as a result being scared to mess with much solid foods) to constant headache, back pain (caused by the injection to help with white blood cell count), overall feeling like I was coming down with something, most of today was not a pleasant experience. Another note from the 1st round of chemo is that between the chemo and the unexpected trip to the ER and hospital stay, they put me back on one of the anti-side effect medications because I had grown weak from not being able to keep food in my system and it was important that I build my strength back up before the next treatment. It worked well and I was able to take a reduced dose all the way up to the 2nd round of chemo. One concern I have with continuing to take this one particular med is that it will lose it's effectiveness if I'm always having to take it past the 1st 3 days following a treatment. This time God-willing, I'm going to ride it out any digestion issues. So far even with the digestion issues I've experienced this time around, I've not experienced the weakness that I experienced in the days following the first round. After breakfast ran right through me, I resorted to my protein shake which also contains vitamins, minerals, carbs, and fats and very diluted odwalla juice. I did eat a little ground turkey and green veggies but that didn't quite feel right so back to the shake I went. Finally broke down and took the tylenol for headache and back pain (I'd rather not take meds unless I just absolutely have too-preference is to keep it as natural as possible). I mentioned in the beginning of this post how the day didn't start of so well, but let me also say that God did not leave it that way. He sent one in the cloud of witnesses of breast cancer survivors to check on me and to listen to me as I had a "moment" which she fully understood; and after which she prayed for me. It was not long after that He began turning my day around; blessing me to feel alot better; kinda "felt like running"-lol. Then He blessed me with a visit from one of my sisters who's been so faithful in checking on me and looking after me (so blessed because Friday afterwork I came home and haven't been back out-today is Tuesday) it was good to just laugh and talk in person. This evening another dear sister in Christ brought me some crackers and broth that God blessed me to be able to eat and keep down. Looks like I'll be on that and my shakes for a few days but TGBTG anyhow-still blessed. Yet another example of God's faithfulness and response to the cries of His children. Not only does He hear but He cares and is concerned. He provides. In life, just because we love God and walk with God fellowshipping with Him via His word and through prayer does not mean that we'll never have "moments", or have to go through some unpleasant experiences/midnight moments, but having that type of relationship with God, we can be confident that He will not leave us hanging in our time of need.

Just a quick note to Encourage

I wasn't able to view much of the service at my church online today-technical difficulties but God and I had some church early this morning as I continued to read Mr. Wayne Grudem's book, Systematic Theology (mentioned in a previous post. God is such a Great Encourager, Who's always on point. He encouraged me so much this morning that it was just on my heart to share...As I read in the current chapter which discusses the different communicable attributes of God, the 2 that God blessed be through this morning are 1)God's Wisdom & 2) God's Truthfulness/Faithfulness. With regard to God's Wisdom, Mr. Grudem points out that God always chooses the best goals and the best means. As I read that I could hear the Holy Spirit whisper to me, "that includes your life too." With regard to God's Truthfulness/Faithfulness, Mr. Grudem points out that God is the true God, faithful and relieable in His words and how we can always depend on Him to be faithful to His word. I was reminded of some things that God had already put in my spirit closer to the beginning of this battle, as one of the very things that He told me then was how His word was concrete and the absolute truth; something that would not buckle under "my weight". Romans 8:28 also ties in with God's Wisdom for to be able to work ALL things together for the good of them that love Him and are called according to His purpose definitely requires WISDOM that only He possesses. I needed that and my God new it:-) God is so AWESOME!!! Gotta love Him!!!

Chemo Round 2 on board-TGBTG

Praise reports before we get to today's treatment: All week God has blessed me to drive myself to work (With the exception of today because I took the whole day off) and to get back to taking the 4 flights of stairs to get to my desk, which I had not been able to do since the precedure to insert the mediport. I also recieved good news regarding mentoring. I heard back from the program head of the mentoring program regarding the email I sent describing my current condition and why I would have to take a "break" from the program. Not only did she say that she was going to talk to some of the other key players within the program to come up with a way for me and my mentee to stay in touch because she thought it would be good for the both of us considering the connection we had made but she also said that she was there for me and that she was praying for my strength and for the doctors who would care for me and help me to my new cancer free body. Reading all of that really blessed me and I'm thankful for I know the Source of all of my blessings and from whence every good thing comes-God is GOOD. Now for today's praise report: As mentioned in the previous post the dr. said that we'd only proceed with chemo scheduled for today if my labs showed that my white blood cell count was high enough. When we met with the dr. today he informed us that my white blood cell count was in the normal range and that everything else looked good with the exceptions of some abnormalities with my liver-typical of chemo patients-when daddy asked me last night if the chemo was still a go for today, I told him that the nurse who drew blood asked me how I felt and said she'd see me tomorrow (Thursday/today). I 'll told him that we'll trust God that all is well for the treatment (chemo) and today God came through yet again. I know many are still praying with me and for me and some were praying specifically that my white blood cell count would be where it needed to be so that I would be able to recieve the 2nd round. I'm thankful that we save an able God Who hears the prayers of the righteous. Everything went smoothly. The pre-treatment meds that are given through the IV before the actual chemo drugs didn't make me dizzy this time though the benedryl made me drowsy but that's so minor that that really doesn't even count compared to what it could be. God blessed us to have a good time during the treatment. Daddy had us all rolln again(those who came to be with me as will as the fam of other patients). I had to tell the nurse and another that they'd have to excuse daddy because hadn't had any sleep lol. Different crew with me today than the 1st round of chemo but I was blessed to have them there with me and thankful for the great support system that God has placed around me (including my daddy who's a big part of that). When I say support system that's not just those who have been there with me in at appointments and treatments but those who have been there for me in every way, praying for and with me, making me laugh, cooking for me going to the grocery store for me encouraging me, calls, text, cards, etc. I know I have mentioned it before but I'm just so thankful and God keeps on meeting needs and blessing me above and beyond through them and each one of them are significant. My chemo buddy, an elderly Christian man (also receiving chemo), who had asked my dad last time if he could add my name to his church's prayer list encouraged me a few times today. Including telling me that we were going to beat and pointing up as if to say God's going to bless us to overcome. He reminded me as I was leaving to Keep the Faith. He has such a joyful spirit. Yet more confirmation of God's hand at work:-) Next steps: -Tomorrow morning-neolastin injection to try to prevent such a dip in white blood cell counts and if not, atleast shorten the length of time that it takes to bring the count back up. -bloodwork on the day before Thanksgiving -follow-up with the dr. *Keep on praising, keep on praying and keep on trusting our-let me go'on and make it personal-my AWESOME God. Last night the Lord blessed me to finish the chapter of Systematic Theology by Wayne Gruden, that deals with the 5 incommunicable attributes of God. Each chapter has Questions for Personal Application. I'd like to share one of the questions along with my response: 8. Eplain how each of the 5 incommunicable attributes of God discussed in this chapter can be a help in your own prayer life. Independence-I can pray in faith and with confidence because God is not only able to hear but able to respond to my prayers because He is God all by Himself and He doesn't have to go look anywhere to get what He needs to handle it because He is the Source and He is self-sufficient. Unchangeableness (also referred to as Immutability)- I can pray in faith and with confidence because I can trust Him fully and completely because His being, purposes and promises do not change. That's something we can stand on as we pray that is stable in the midst of a world and environment that's shaky and unstable. Eternity- I can pray in faith and with confidence knowing that he is fully aware of my past, present, and future. He's not missing any of the peices of my life and He understands everything about where I've been/what He's brought me through, where He's place me now/what He's presently doing in my life and what He will in my future and how to get me to where He's taking me. Ominipresence- I can pray in faith and with confidence knowing that God is right there with me and close enough to do as He sees fit be it, to bless, to sustain, or to punish. Unity-I can pray in faith and with confidence knowing that God is not divided into parts, yet we see different attributes of God emphasized at different times and that He is able to be my Everything; whatever attribute I'm in need of experiencing at any given point in time. The memory verse for the chapter was Psalm 102:25-27 "In the beginning you laid the foundations of the earth, and the heavens are the work of your hands. They will perish, but you will remain; they will all wear out like garments. Like clothing you will change them and they will be discarded. But you remain the same, your years will never end." What a God, What a God, What God!!! To Him Be ALL the Glory forever and ever AMEN!!!

Follow-up and AdJusTmEnTs

On Thursday I met with my dr/oncologist to see if we were still on schedule with my chemo and also because of the note to follow-up in my discharge papers. So what did the dr.say? Well... -as a result of the 1st round of chemo 2 "bad things" happened: 1)white blood cell count took a serious hit 2)infection indicated by my fever (side note:my temp of 101.3 was like a "normal" person having a temp of 105) negative cultures at the hospital is an indication that it wasn't bacterial(but could've been viral or fungal) -he wants to give me the best chance for survival so he does not want to reduce the concenctrations of the chemicals because that reduces the effectiveness of the chemo and of course does not want to stop the chemo all together (which he said that if I were in my 80s would be his recommendation-btw this is one of those comments where we listen but we don't listen) -my next treatment will be this Thursday, 21st but I will have to come in to get blood drawn the day before to make sure my white blood cell count is high enough to handle the treatment the next day -an adjustment that will be made this time around is to have me come back the day after chemo for a shot that is equivalent to 6 daily neupogen shots, that is time released (The neupogen shots are what I was given for a couple days while in the hospital to help my body produce more white blood cells) -white blood cell count tends to be the lowest around days 5-10 following a treatment so wearing a mask and staying away from pets and large crowds would be helpful in infection prevention this time around. I'm reminded of the fact that sometimes in sports you prepare for the game and come up with a strategy for victory but during the game the oponent shows you some different looks that were not anticipated pre-game. But just because the opponent show's you a different look or because your pre-game strategy does not appear to be yeilding the anticipated results does not mean that you have to accept the "L" It just means that a timeout needs to be called and that some gametime adjustments need to be made and it's with those adjustments that victory can still be achieved. What gets teams in trouble sometime is when they go into panic mode or keep trying to force a gameplan that is proving to be ineffective in gametime situations. So it is in life and in times of war, we must be willing to adjust as our Ultimate Life Coach and Great Commander leads us. It's also important to note that these adjustments may require more effort on our part, may be less desirable than the original plan, and may go against our natural tendencies. They might even bring about a more intense battle/struggle on the inside but we've got to be willing to make the adjustments (not in our own strength but with the Strength and Grace that God gives us). We can do all things through Christ Who gives us STRENGTH. And for those who loved me enough to tell me what was going to work for to my benefit rather than what I was hoping to hear and even get on my case about doing everything I can to protect myself and especially with the dr's comments regarding my white blood cell count. They were right and I know it was the Holy Spirit that was leading them to say what they said to get the point accross. That's real love and I'm grateful. That being said adjustments: -this wknd I'm staying in that includes home from church on Sunday but I'm thankful that I'll atleast have access to live streaming during service. (probably a good idea throughout the duration of the cold&flu season) -will have to settle for conferencing in to Singles Ministry real talks (started with earlier today-blessed to listen rather than to have to miss it all together) and no Raul Jiminez this year -as much as I love my mentee, I'm going to have to take a break from the mentoring program for the remainder of this school year because of all of the contact with kids and being on exposed to germs in the school. I'm really going to miss my mentee, the activities and the lunchtime school visits and I've shed a few tears already but it's an adjustment that has to be made. -wear mask on days 5-10 following chemo and on the regular at work (already sent out an email while in the office yesterday to give everyone a heads up that I would need to kind of put myself on quarantine because of a compromised immune system and not wanting to risk causing any complications with my treatments) Something that the Lord put on my heart yesterday (but since I didn't post yesterday am sharing now): "Thine, O Lord, is the greatness, and the power, and the glory, and the victory, and the majesty; for all that is in the heaven and the earth is thine; thine is the kingdom, O Lord, and thou art exalted as head above all. Both riches and honor come of thee, and thou reignest over all; and in thine hand is power and might; and in thine hand it is to make great, and to give strength unto all. Now therefore, our God, we thank thee, and praise thy glorious name."1 Chronicles 29:11-13 Just a reminder of the AWESOME God we serve and why we can walk with a holy boldness and confidence that comes from placing all of our hope and trust in our God regardless of what we face in this life. one more note: I did not cut my hair off but decided I would see if God would allow me to be one of the ones who recieve the type of chemo I'm recieving and actually keep their hair.

Unexpected Hospitalization-Pneumothorax

On Saturday night when the on-call oncology dr. recommended that I get to the ER after inquiring about approved meds for a severe headache(being a chemo patient, I have always have to check before using any new meds-including over-the-counter) and reporting a fever of 101.3 (higher than the grade of fever that was suppose to be reported to the dr. on call), I didn't expect to be admitted to the hospital as a result. As a part of normal protocol, radiology took x-rays of my chest which revealed that I had a Left Pneumothorax (collapsed lung). I was told that most likely during the surgical placing of the mediport, the surgeon had punctured my left lung and caused a slow leak and that they would have to go ahead and do a procedure to insert a small tube to fix the problem. Highlights: memorable-heart-touching moments: -a sister in Christ who's a retired nurse wanting the ER nurse to explain exactly what they were going to be doing to me-what procedure they had opted for to repair the Left Pneumothorax (collapsed lung) -a sister's in Christ praying circled around me in prayer before the ER physician began the procedure to insert the tube into my lung -after the procedure brothers and sisters in Christ standing in the ER room with me and then my daddy walking in (they had to start the procedure before he could get to the hospital-he lives an hour and some change away) -laughing and talking with fam and brothers/sisters in Christ who came to visit (including mom, granny, and one of my brothers driving in on Sunday night to visit and one sister in Christ who made me drink the broth of the veggie soup when I needed to eat but didn't have much of an appetite-the veggies in the soup were not cooked long enough and weren't good. When this sister told me to turn the bowl up, I did but then I turned the bowl her way to show her that I had done it-I admit this was a "kid" moment-LOL) God used each visitor as well as those who weren't able to visit but did call or txt to bless me in their own unique way -Phone call from friend and sister in Christ who's out of state-talking and plenty of laughing -a cute stuffed animal frog holding a box of candy and get well balloons that was delivered to my room on behalf of the singles ministry that the Lord has blessed me to lead :-) -get well card and book from the "Forget Me Not Sisters"-the card had one of my theme scriptures for this season of my life in it: "We are more than conquerors through Him that loved us." Romans 8:37 -watching Sunday night and some Monday night football with daddy funny moments: -amongst the items that a friend and sister in Christ hooked me up with for my hospital stay-lepard print pj bottoms with lepord print house shoes and a shirt to match and "granny panties" LOL ALL of which came in handy and I wore proudly:-) -after the procedure in the ER when daddy mentioned in front of some of my church fam that he was thinking about next time just bringing me home after my next round of chemo-they kinda looked at him and one said do you have a trailer-room for us? -daddy setting up a one of the hospital bedside trays to be a makeshift pulpit with his bible and notes talking about he was going to preach to me -Pink Magic-prescribed by the dr. to help out with some areas in my mouth that were irritated to the point of hindering my eating. My instructions from the nurse were to swish the amount he had poured in a cup around in my mouth and then swallow it. Those are the instructions on the bottle to but in practice, not a good idea. When I did this immediately I began to feel like my tongue was swelling up (it was really going numb), and I started feeling like I was going to choke because I couldn't swallow and talking like my tongue was swollen and/or extra thick. I almost went into panic mode but God. Eventually it wore off some and I regained feeling in my tongue and was able to eat. I don't have to ever try that stuff again. -Tuesday morning when the x-ray team came in the room for my daily chest x-ray, daddy said he almost forgot where he was and that team was almost in trouble because he almost went into defense mode like someone busting into the house Miscellaneous: -cute lab man drawing my blood (when the blood drawn by the previous lab man came out too slow and began to clot and rendered useless for the analysis) -when the Lung dr. told me that they did not use a local anesthetic for removing the type of tube that had been inserted in my lung, I had a flash back of crying before I got a whoop'n because that's exactly what I felt like LOL. It hurt but it was not that bad. Evidence of God's hand and His goodness: -Several including doctors asked me if how I knew I had a Pneumothorax-if had experienced shortness of breath, etc., my answer was no, they found it via x-ray when I came to the ER as a chemo patient with fever, headaches, and sore gland. More simply put, God's Grace. Had it not been for the severe headache and fever, I would not have called the on-call dr. and could've ended up in a worse situation. -God provided me a ride to the hospital via a sister in Christ who lives down the street and around the corner from me(I haven't tried to drive anywhere since last monday and was still pretty weak physically) -the encouragement He sent through brothers and sisters in Christ -being able to laugh and clown in the hospital room inspite of physical condition and overall still smiling and still joyful in the Lord -discharged from the hospital earlier today "For we know that ALL things work together for the good of them that love the Lord and are called according to His purpose." Romans 8:28

Another Milestone-GRACE Yet Again

Yesterday marked one week since my first chemo treatment. I was blessed to work from home and mom and daddy popped in afternoon/evening. We had a lot of fun laughing and talking-mostly laughing, daddy was delirious and cracking me and mom up and himself too-LOL. Mom brought me a house gift-a cross that says HOPE it's now the centerpeice of my table. In this battle Hope (in the Lord) is definitely something that one has to have. After they left I'd say it turned into the roughest night yet. The stye on my eye (which I learned is also sometimes a side effect of chemo) seemed to hurt everytime I moved my eyelid including closing it in attempts to go to sleep, insomnia seemed to also set in. It seemed to get later and later and still no sleep combined with a hurting stye. I watched the youtube video of Pastor Marvin Sapp's "You are God Alone" that my dear friend sent me earlier this week as it had been a comfort to me helped me to go to sleep previously, but as I watched and listened this time, the tears began to flow, more and more profusely and for a moment I broke down into a cry. In the midst of the crying I told the Lord that I knew it would not be easy but that I needed some help. Well all the crying only made the stye feel worse and then clogged my nose and sinuses adding to the discomfort. When I stopped crying, I began to read the book of Job, maybe halfway into that first chapter, I got a text back from the same dear friend that sent me the Marvin Sapp youtube earlier this week to encourage me. Mind you it was a little after 1am this morning. I mentioned in the following txt that it had been a rough night after my parents left and that I was hoping to get some creme from the dr. to treat the stye when I went in for blood work today. Shortly after this same friend called me-at 1:30am (knowing she would have to work later on that day). She prayed with me a heartfelt and sincere prayer that brought tears to my eyes, then she encouraged me, then we talked and laughed, and laughed, and laughed. I think it was 2:30ish when we hung up but after we hung up it seemed like God had given me a fresh dose of His peace and even caused the stye to be more barable pain wise and the sleep that He did bless me with was good. I was reminded that God does not ignore the cry of His children. I was reminded of His faithfulness and of His constant presence and how He ALWAYS right on time; showing up and showing out on our behalf and in our favor like no other. I started typing this post this morning but God's faithfulness and showing out continued on throughout the day. Today was the day that me and a few other mentors were scheduled to have our lunch with mentees. My mentee turned 18 today and I really wanted to be there for that and to atleast bring balloons, card, and cupcakes but God had another plan. I was just physically unable to get there but I was blessed to tell her happy birthday via phone and one of my fellow mentors was kind enough to cover me on that and come to find out my mentee did have cake after all. TGBTG (To God Be the Glory for that). Then another friend was kind enough to offer to make and bring me some homemade chicken and veggie soup (and some "other things" which turned out to be all kinds of other helpful items from toilet tissue to tea, to anti-nausea, card, jello, ect.) and to drive me to the dr. to get lab work done. Btw while I cook, it's a blessing to have friends that can hook it up food wise and are willing to do so, when I'm not up to it. Side note about the bloodwork: I am a challenging stick because I have veins that rolls but I was so thankful the tech only had to stick me one time-BLESS the Lord! Not only that but no one was there to write a prescription for creme to handle the stye on my eye that's got my left eye looking like a lazy eye but the tech did point us to a pharmacy. My friend did the leg work there too so I wouldn't have to do a lot of walking and btw had me LOL most while riding in the car. I forgot to mention that the tech suggested that I get back on one of the anti-side effect medications since all week I have been having trouble with my stomach digesting food intake. This way I would be able to eat and build my strength back up. I couldn't wait to get to that soup. I had a little bit when we got back but I took the anti-nausea and took the anti-side effect med that I was to resume for a couple days and laid down for a few mins as that one med has to be taken 1/2 hr before eating. Well I got up and got on that soup. It was a challenge to keep the portion small because not only was it goooooooddddd but I had been hungry for most of the day trying not to put too much on my stomach. After that I went on to sleep and was knocked out for a good 3+ hrs waking up to missed phonecalls-that's more like my normal sleeping pattern-not being able to hear the phone while sleeping. It seems like God is already re-regulating my sleep so that insomnia is no longer an issue as it had been this week. I'm just thankful to God for all of those that He's placed around me, for those that have been there and are there in various capacities from being vessels through which God works to meet spiritual needs and practical needs. Nothing like being covered in God's GRACE. He continues to provide over, and over and over again. Yes being one of His comes with some costs but there are benefits that far outweight those costs. "God is good ALL the time and ALL the time God is good."

God is Still GOOD

I had planned on going to work both yesterday and today but that's not the way it went....Sunday morning was the last dose of the anti-side effect meds for this first cycle and yesterday and today haven't been my best days (stomach issues, headache, weakness, raw throat...) but as I began to look through the listed possible side effects of the chemo drugs that I am recieving and check off the one's that I was experiencing, God also pointed out all of the side effects that He'd kept me from. I still thank Him for His grace and for life. What a blessing to still be able to experience the goodness of God, and the love of God. As I watched the youtube video of Pastor Marvin Sapp's "You Are God Alone", that a dear friend sent me this morning, I was reminded that I'm not being kept by just anybody but that the One Who is with me, Who's hands my life is in is the One and only AWESOME Sovereign God of the universe. What a blessing it is to still be able to hear His voice; the depth of the valley cannot drown out His voice. I previously mentioned the personal biblestudy that God had placed on my heart, Observations from the Healing Miracles of Jesus. I'm thankful He blessed me to complete it; yet another way He encouraged me. We worked from a list of 20 Healing Miracles of Jesus. There was purpose behind the sicknesses, diseases, illnesses-that the power of God might be made manifest, that men might be drawn to Christ and be saved. There was also a wide variety of sickness and disease, with various extremes, various durations, but none of which was too much for Jesus to handle. God is still God, He still has ALL Power, He's still healing, He still loves us and He still responds to our faith. God is still GOOD!!!

1 Chemo Treatment on Halloween: TREAT all the way!!!

1st Chemo treatment on Halloween Day, but no worries here God was with me all the way-treat after treat, after treat, after treat. As I was getting into my daddy's truck about to head to the place where my treatment would be taking place, daddy annointed me with oil and prayed over me. Good news from the dr. when we were called back to talk to him: #1 The BRACA test came back negative meaning I'm not a carrier for breast cancer and a double mastectomy will not have to be considered when the time comes for surgery-Treat/Answered Prayer. #2 While the insurance company had still not approved one of the chemo drugs that he had recommended, the pharmaceutical company was willing to replace the drug-bottom line no money out of my pocket and we were able to proceed with the type of chemo combination treatment that the dr. had recommended. Treat/Answered Prayer. The nurse commented that the area where the mediport was healing up well and asked if it had been in there for a couple of weeks (I'm guessing that may be normal protocol but God had blessed them to get a lot of things done and to make a lot of progress in such a short period of time, that was not the case for me. I just had the mediport surgical procedure last Friday and I'm thankful that God arranged it in such a way that I had to wait until today for treatment.) As she stopped spraying the numbing spray over the skin located on top of the mediport. I asked her if she'd sprayed enough lol, I wasn't trying to feel anything when she stuck the IV into it. Well she did spray some more before sticking it in there I felt quite a bit-it HURT and I had to make a lil sound affect with it but nothing unwholesome lol. Before the actual chemo bags were hooked up, I was given some other meds via the IV that were suppose to counter potential side effects. There was some Benedryl in that combo of meds (rarely ever take over the counter meds-even for headaches I prefer to just sleep it off) and the flow was a little high which made me feel lightheaded but the nurse adjusted that and the lightheadedness went away. That was pretty much the jist of the pain and discomfort. When they added the different backs of the chemo drugs God kept me all the way through it. I actually got hungry again even though I had eaten 2 meals before coming in lol. God just showed all the way out. Even the nurses commented on how well my body ways recieving the treatment. And the one that was tending to me said that if I were going to have any allergic reactions, I would have experienced atleast a hint of them during the treatment but there were none. The treatment was 4hrs. Now I was tired and hungry but compared to what could have happened, that was nothing at all. God continues to bless me through those He's placed in my life including mom and daddy, both sets of parents, brothers and sisters in Christ via presence, calls and txts to check on me,sending cards, bringing flowers, prayers, helping me to remember practical items and also providing them-God using each to encourage me in their own way. The other night one of my brothers in Christ prayed with me and in that prayer He specifically prayed that God would not allow me to want for anything and God has done that. There was a gentleman in who was also recieving treatment that asked my dad if He was a pastor, which he is, and also asked for my name so that he could add me to his church's prayer list. What a blessing-again I say TREAT. It may have been halloween but God showed all the way out and reminded me that He Got me and that He has every angle covered. In Lukes account of the healing of the lunatic/demon-posessed boy, the Holy Spirit brings out the point that God is able to use our sickness for His glory as it provides an opportunity for others to witness the mighty power of God(Luke 9:43). I believe God will get the glory not only as He leads me in this battle but also when he blesses me with the victory. God is so good. I count it a blessing to not only be one of His but also one in who's life He is and will get the glory. TGBTG (To God Be the Glory) "Bless the Lord, O my soul; and all that's within me, bless His holy name." Psalm 103:1

Going with God's Flow

Well today I thought I would be blogging about the 1st chemo treatment but that's not the case. I went in fasted to the doctor's office fasted, and after waiting an hour to be called back, was told that they were still trying to work things out with my insurance regarding the type of chemo we had decided to go with (strongly recommended by the dr.-safer approach). I was given 3 options, pay 7K out of pocket, wait until Thursday (to get the final word from the insurance), or go with a different chemo cocktail. While it was hard to swallow, as I was ready to get the treatment started continuing the forward march towards victory, not to add I was hungry, had missed work, and was wondering why they couldn't have atleast told us, what the deal was when we walked in, ultimately I went with "wait until Thursday". I relayed everything to 3 of my sisters as when we came out(Mom and daddy were in the room with me so they already knew the deal). After saying goodbyes and brief chat, I hopped back in the truck with daddy so I could get back to my apartment and get ready for work. I wanted to atleast get a half day in. The BEST thing about it is that not even that took God by surprise. The other blessing is that tommorrow God-willing I will be able to go to work and participate in the Inspire U activity with my 2 mentees, which is something that I may have had to miss had I had a chemo treatment today. It took a little while but I got over the change in schedule. He knows best and He's still working His plan. I learned while I was there that I needed to eat before chemo because of the potential of blood sugar dropping (I've experience blood sugar dropping before and sho' not trying to go there again lol). The "change of plans" really through me off and I had to really take some time to pray when I got to work but there are so many reasons why Thursday is actually a better day (besides the most important one, because GOD SAID SO, more time for body to recover from the mediport surgical procedure-still not totally adjusted, mentor mentee event which I really didn't want to miss). It's a blessing to have a Heavenly Father Who ALWAYS does what's right and what's best, even when it's contrary to what we think we want. God's still got me and He's still in full control. Things may happen on a different timetable than we've anticipated and prepared for but we've got to remember Who's in control of time and Who's really running things(and for good reason too-nobody on His level;none like Him). Even with the day starting off the way it did, I'm just so thankful. God showed me a glimpse of how blessed I am. Today in addition to daddy helping me with things around my apartment, mom and daddy who were there at the dr's office with me, 3 of my sisters were also there, one of which is part of the cloud of witnesses of breast cancer survivors, this evening family bought and delivered groceries, more family blessing me with furniture and prayed with me while here. All of the family that I mention are family via the blood of Jesus. Other brothers and sisters in Christ are yet praying for me, calling, texting,ect. It's a blessing when people don't just say "you're family" but call you brother, sister, daughter, and mean it-carrying the responsibility that goes along with claiming someone as fam. I believe they know that I'd do the same for them. What a support system God has blessed me with. His grace, His grace, His grace.

PRESS!!!

Yesterday I didn't know if I was going to make it to church this morning, do to physical limitations like still feeling a little on the weak side, pain and soreness, stiffness in my neck that could potentially hinder my driving, but by this morning God had restored the range of motion in my neck (the main thing that would have kept me off the road). Got winded for the 1st time ever trying to take a shower. I just thanked God for sufficient grace and strength for today and prayed before getting on the road and as I was driving. That enemy will sure try to throw some doubt, and excuses at us to try to cause us to turn back and away from our blessing like what he tried to through at me today "you're not feeling up to par, you had to stop and rest this morning-how are you going to make it to church and through church, you're not going to be able to make it through the whole service without feeling like you need to come back home, you can't drive yourself, it's men's day so the word will probably be geared at the men anyway" but we've got to be able to distinguish God's warnings from the enemy's attempts to discourage us and mess with our minds. It's so critical that we stay armored up and prayerful. I felt like I like the woman with the issue of blood was pressing my way through to get to Jesus. Just as our Lord did not disappoint her, I too was blessed. As we already know, the devil is a lie, God blessed me to make it to church and through church and God used the guest preacher, Pastor J.R. Miller to remind me that I'm "A Developing Testimony"-I'm not there yet but God is developing a testimony in my life and that as God is developing a testimony in the lives of His children there are 3 Don'ts: 1)Don't stop praying 2)Don't stop persevering 3)Don't let go of our faith. What a word, What a word. God is always on point in EVERY way-He's just GOOD like that. What an AWESOME God we serve. Now I was worn out after that and making 2 quick stops on the way in BUT it was well worth it. God's grace is always sufficient and He is Faithful. Sometimes in order to get what God has for us we have to be willing to press our way through, be it physical, mental, or even people with bad understandings. God will not leave us hanging. PRESS!!!

Mediport Surgical Procedure-Another Step Forward-TGBTG

On Thursday night, I "accidently" went to sleep without putting my phone on silent as I normally would. I say "accidently" because it was really no accident, God arranged it that way because He knew I would need the phone to be loud enough for me to hear in my sleep when my pastor called to pray with me regarding Friday's procedure. It's a blessing to hear prayers lifted on my behalf and also to know that so many are praying for me. As I have mentioned previously, I can feel the prayers being lifted on my behalf too. Friday: During my quiet time in the study on the healing miracles of Jesus, God in His infinite wisdom, saw fit to remind me through the lady with the issue of blood that my healing is in my faith. It's our faith that makes us whole. Just to clarify that's faith in God alone. Daddy and I arrived to check in a little more than 2 hrs before my procedure was scheduled as we were instructed to get there 2 hrs in advance incase they were able to work me in earlier. As the began the process of getting me situated (bed, checking weight and vitals, asking questions, etc.), I mentioned that had had some water earlier that morning. I knew I had to come in fasted but it hadn't occured to me that I couldn't have water either. Because having any kind of fluid in my stomach including water, had the potential to cause complications during the procedure, the anesthesiologist opted to move another case in front of me to give adequate time for my stomach to empty itself of the water. The case that was moved in front of me was scehduled for a duration of 2hrs. In the meantime daddy and I had some biblestudy. He had also been looking at the woman with the issue of blood. It's something how God works:-) Then one of my sisters suprised me and the 3 of us got to laughn, talking, and cutting up, right there in my rm/area. I was laughn so hard, I was in tears lol. When the time came to get the IV started they ended up having to start it in my hand. I'm so thankful that they'll be able to use the mediport instead of my veins for the chemo, given the trouble that my veins have been giving those who needing to start an IV or draw my blood. The nurse drew blood around from the same place the IV was inserted but only to recieve a call from the lab that more blood would have to be drawn because the cells had been ruptured during the proceess of drawing the blood. However God worked it out so that I was able to give a urine sample instead. (He already knew I wasn't trying to get stuck anymore times than I had too. lol). Before being rolled back the operating room nurse, the surgeon, and the anesthesiologist all came back to talk to me at separate times. I know there's a good reason for why a patient is asked the same questions multiple times by multiple people in the same facility but I told daddy I was gonna make a sign with that information on it and lay it on top of my blanket so I could just point lol. God has blessed me to have only been in the operating room as a young child-adenoids removed, and in the 4th grade having my left elbow set. I had no memories of the inside of an operating room, I'm guessing because I was so young when my adenoids were removed and I laughed myself to sleep under whatever anesthesia they gave me when I had my elbow reset before I even hit the operating room. This time I was still awake when they rolled me into the operating room. the last thing I remember before being was the nurse saying, you're not feeling sleepy yet? No sooner than me saying well a little bit, that was it. Next thing I knew they were rolling me out to recovery with an oxygen mask on my face. The meds they had me on were making me feel like I couldn't take deep breaths and I had pain in the front and in the back. the mediport was placed under my skin on the upper inside area of my left breast (you can actually see a lump where it was placed). I was also told that the procedure took longer because I have protruding collar bones that caused the surgeon to have to go a different route when inserting the mediport. While I was in the recovery area, the anesthesiologist came over to check on me. When I told him about the pain and feeling like I could not take deep breaths, he recommended a different type of pain medicine. It took that pain med less than a minute to kick in. I started getting giggly and by then my dad was also there and I was asking him how people can function on this stuff-lol. I had my dad and the nurse laughing and i was cracking mysekf up too-lol. As the nurse was trying to go over instructions I had to stop and ask my dad if he was listening because I was hearing but not "hearing" because of that last pain med and I was not going to remember what she was saying. Lol. they also offered me something to drink and either graham crackers or saltines. I chose the graham crackers and tore 'em up too (this was around 5pm-1st taste of food that day) and I asked for some for the road too lol-they had me on those meds. They rolled me out to the truck because I wasnt able to walk without assistance yet.From there I felt like I had to really concetrate to give daddy directions on how to get to the places we needed to stop before heading in. Inspite of the pain and discomfort and though an anticipated few hrs had turned into 12 hrs, God still blessed us through His word and blessed us to laugh and the procedure was a success. For that I'm thankful.Coming up the stairs to my apartment was sure a different experience than times past but God blessed me to make it. By the time I got to the top, I had begun to shake (anesthesia wearing off). Daddy helped me get all settled in. watched a few minutes of football before he suggested that I try to go to sleep. After giving me a few minutes and noticing that I hadn't dropped off to sleep yet, he knelt beside my bed and began to pray silently. It wasn't long after that that I felt the peace and comfort of our AWESOME God and I was able to get halfway asleep, which was so much better than wide awake. Before daddy took off he reminded me that God had me (would take care of me) and that God had him too (would take care of him on the road as he made the trip back home). I may have taken a hit physically yesterday, and I may have some scars because of it but most importantly God kept my faith intact. I still trust Him. Another step of forward progress in this journey. TGBTG for that. Even in the roughest days, God is still able to give us reasons to smile, He's still able to show us that He's right there with us, loving us all the way through. We have to make the choice not to get consumed in what we're going through but to with God's help, look for Him and how He will work through that circumstance/situation. We don't need perfect conditions, or a life that is free of pain and difficulty. Nor do we need a life that is free of struggles and challenges. We need the Lord-Thank God for relationship with Him that goes through Jesus Christ.

"Won't He do it!"

This morning He didn't wake me up via the noise of my alarm clock but He woke me up with some of the words of the song "I will be with you" by Richard Smallwood (I'm pretty sure that's the right artist), the part that was playing in my spirit was, "if you will only trust me, trust me, trust me" That was followed by my bible study of observations from healing miracles of Jesus, today was the healing of the 2 demon possessed men. Something to consider...When the demons entered a whole herd of swine, they immediately drove the swine to their physical death, yet when Hesus came upon the two men, they were still physically alive. God did not let those demons drive those men to their physical death. The demons also recognized Who Jesus was and what their final destination entailed-torment. On the way to present at a training session I got stuck in traffic and thought to myself, "traffic wasn't that bad yesterday", I was thinking I was going to have to ask a co-worker who does the presentation with me to cover my part as well because I didn't think I was going to make it but the Holy Spirit said just recalculate on your GPS and get an alternate route. I was less than 5 mins. late, even when initially I didn't think I was going to make it to that 1st session. Even when we think there is no way, God makes a way and shows us the way-"Won't He do it!" There were two sessions a morning and an afternoon. In between the 2 sessions I had to get back to the office to draft a comment on a rule and send it out for review. I thought I'd really be pushing it but the Lord blessed me to get that done with some time to spare-"Won't He do it!" During that time I heard back from the surgeon's office regarding the scheduling of the procedure to insert the mediport. The initial appointment was set for 3:30pm and I had to be fasting from midnight the day before. Of course I asked if there was anything earlier because I was thinking that's a long time with no food lol. But finally just said well whatever I gotta do because I needed that procedure done this week in order for me to have the 1st treatment on next Tuesday. Well about an hour later, I noticed a missed call and a message. It was the surgeon's office again. When I called them back they wanted to know if they could move my appointment up to 8am instead of 3:30pm due to the surgeon having to fit another patient in.God knows our spiritual concerns but He also knows our practical concerns. Sometimes He'll just drop a blessing in our lap, saying to us "I just wanted to remind you that I'm here and yes I hear you, even though you didn't make any comment to me about it (i.e. you thought it and/or told mentioned it to someone other than me)"-"Won't He do it!" When I got back to the office, one of the supervisors told my supervisor that I did an excellent job and was very complimentary of my part of the presentation and when my supervisor relayed that to me, she commented that if you were a little "off", or shaky today, it would have been understandable considering all that's going on with you, but I very pleased to hear how great a job you did. I mention that to point right back to God yet again, when it would seem that we should be unbalanced and falling apart because of cirmcumstances in our personal lives combined with the stress of work-meeting short deadlines and just trying to get everything done that needs to get done, God is able to not only hold us together but give us peace and a confidence in Him and to bless us to excel in the midst of and inspite of-"Won't He do it!" He worked through a few friends to send me the link to poem that just encouraged me and made me smile and another animated text to make me laugh.God is able to keep us encouraged and put a smile on our face and joy in our hearts-"Won't He do it!" God loves us, He's always at work and nothing, is ever out of His control. He will come through if we will only trust Him and walk by faith-"Won't He do it!"

Strategy for Victory-"Time to Put our War Clothes on!"

Today as we waited in for my name to be called and to be escorted to a patient room to discuss treatment strategy with the oncologist, daddy reminded me that it's time to put our war clothes on, hence the title. The Strategy for Victory has both a physical and a spiritual component, gotta add faith AND works. *Btw I'm thankful God has blessed me with a great oncologist; very knowledgable, yet personable, patient, and able to explain the process and specifics effectively. Back to the Strategy for Victory: Physical/Works: -Chemo--> surgery-->chemo--> pills for 5 yrs -most agressive treatment chosen to hit it and hit it HARD -1 Chemo Treatment every 3wks- what a blessing that it's not weekly!(1st treatment next Tuesday) -4-6 cycles (will check progress via an ultrasound after the 1st 2 cylces) *most common side effects (90%) of patients who undergo this type of treatment experience fatigue and hair loss but while I may temporarily lose my hair, God is going to bless me to keep my LIFE! *are there other potential side effects? yes but is that our focus? NO *port for the IV will be surgically placed this week on either Wednesday or Friday whenever the surgeon can fit me in. *MUGA test (for my heart) is scheduled for Monday evening. Spiritual/Faith: War clothes for the child of God is the Armor of God (Ephesians 6:14-17): "Belt of truth"-God's truth will hold us together when nothing else seems to be able to/without it, falling apart is only a matter of time. "Breastplate of righteousness"-upright before God, having put on the righteousness of Christ rather than trying to make our own (our own righteousness is as filthly rags). "Feet fitted with the readiness that fomes from the gospel of peace"-ready to move, nothing like the stability the peace brings to our spiritual stance, easier to advance when our footing is sure "Shield of faith"-gotta have FAITH to quench those fiery darts that the enemy is sure to launch "Helmet of salvation"-let the assurance of our salvation keep our minds; there's nothing that the enemy can say or do that can change our standing with God or erase our name from God's book of Life. "sword of the Spirit"-God's word After suiting up, we must be prayerful (praying in the Spirit not just for ourselves but for all the saints/God's people/believers) and stay alert. You know what's so AWESOME about the armor of God? It is well suited for ANY and ALL battles that we will face in this life. Remember for the armor to be fully effective, we must put on the FULL armor. ARMOR UP!!!

Encouraged & Grateful

What a blessed weekend it has been. I tell you can't nobody do me like Jesus. Friday night He encouraged me through song while at an appreciation service for one of the minister's of music at a local church. Then last night so much fun with my fellow singles in our singles ministry outing for the month. While I was there I was encouraged yet again when friend sent me a photo of breast cancer survivors being honored that night during halftime of a football game-great cloud of witnesses-God is going to bless me to be in that number one day. God did not stop there...as I was looking at the background scripture for the what I thought was the right fulfillment hour (Sunday school) lesson, 2 scriptures resonated with my spirit that give 2 of God's purposes for allowing us to go through: 1) 2 Corinthians 1:4 which says, "Who comforteth us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort them which are in any trouble, by the comfort where with we ourselves are comforted." While going through is ultimately beneficial to us, it's about more than us. There's a bigger picture. God takes us through some things in preparation for Him to use us in greater levels of ministry. 2) 2 Corinthians 1:9 which says, "But we had the sentence of death in ourselves, that we should not trust in ourselves, but in God which raiseth the dead:"-to teach us to trust in Him; so that He can show us via firsthand experience how able and trust-worthy He is, that our faith would be increased that much more. Then during service a word of encouragement shared at church and directed specifically at those who'd ever been diagnosed with any type of cancer. Really blessed me-those words were given to the sister who shared them by God. No doubt in my mind about that and I'm glad she listened and shared. Then after church encouraged even further by the fact that God had raised up another sister to be a part of the support system that He has constructed. Many of the means by which God has encouraged me has come through His people. That is one reason why it's so important that we stay connected to the body and refuse to isolate ourselves from God's people when we're when times get rough. TGBTG for all He's done, is doing and will do.

10/18/13-Biopsy (lymph node) & PET Scan Results and Next Steps

This morning God blessed me with an early morning word of encouragement from one of my big sisters-"Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous! Do not tremble or be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go." Joshua 1:9 What a timely word, as today was the day that I was scheduled to go back to the dr. for results of the diagnostic work done earlier this week (lymph node biopsy and PET Scan). It was just me and daddy at today's appointment we were laughing, talking and having a good time both before and after the dr.'s report-nobody but God could've done that. Before the doctor came in daddy reminded me that we listen to the dr's report but we will not be "alarmed" by what is said; we listen to the dr's report but we do not allow what the dr. says to carry more weight than what God has said. The report: -PET Scan looked good with the exception of the one lymph node that was biopsied-no cancer found anywhere else in my body.(PRAISE report) -blood work looked normal-no cancer markers found in my blood. (PRAISE report) -biopsy on the lymph node did show that it was cancerous-still a PRAISE report because that's only one rather than multiple. -the plan is to shrink the tumor with chemo via an IV (and medi-pack) before surgery followed by more chemo (anticipated 1yr for all this part)and then pills for 5yrs. (PRAISE report the fact that it's treatable, also chemo via an IV rather than other methods, shrinking the tumor to make for a more successful surgery) When they mentioned that this would be a year long process, the specialist who was present said yeah we'll get to know eachother real well including getting to see you turn 30, that kind of stung; not how imagined the big 30 but TGBTG (to God be the Glory) anyhow. He is STILL Good. -this type of tumor feeds on estrogen (good to know-PRAISE report) -the treatment may affect my ability to have kids-BUT I know that my God is able to cause a barren womb to bare a child, so I'm not even worried about it. God's got that too. -I will be able to continue working full-time in spite of the treatment(PRAISE report) The next steps are to meet with the Oncologist on Monday afternoon to talk about the specifics of treatment. Schedule appointment to go and have the medi-pack surgically inserted (this is so they can hook the IV to this rather than having to poke me each time I go in for treatment). They'd like to start treatment as soon as possible. I'll know more about that after the appointment on Monday. "Oh give thanks unto the Lord; for He is good: for His mercy endureth forever." Psalm 136:1 KJV. That last part in the NLT says "...His faithful love endures forever." Things we glean from Psalm 136 in it's entirety: GOD -He is Good -He is God of gods -Lord of lords -does Great wonders all by Himself -made the heavens so skillfully and placed the earth among the waters -made the heavenly lights, set the sun in place for the day and the moon and stars for night BECAUSE OF HIS FAITHFUL LOVE -struck down the 1st born of Egypt -delievered Israel ourt of Egypt with a strong hand and powerful arm -parted the Red Sea and brought israel through but swept Pharoah and his army into the Red Sea -led His people through the wilderness -struck down great kings and killed mighty/powerful kings and gave inheritence to his servant Israel -remembered us in our weakness -saved us from our enemies GOD -gives food to every creature -He is God of heaven Because of God's faithfull love that endures forever, He's STILL Able, and worthy of all glory and praise, He's still delivering and providing for His people; He's still making ways out of no way; He's still available and willing to lead His people through the wildernesses of this life. God is AWESOME and I'm so glad I know Him for myself.

10/17/13

This morning as I took a minute to lay back down to try to settle my stomach which was uneasy for some reason, God brought the words of Jermemiah 17:7 back to remembrance, "Blessed is the man that trusteh in the Lord, and whose hope the Lord is." The NIV version says "But Blessed is the one who trusts in the Lord, whose confidence is in Him." How blessed are they? Well verse 8(NIV) goes on to say "They will be like a tree planted by the water that sends out its roots by the stream. It does not fear when heat comes; its leaves are always green. It has no worries in a year of drought and never fails to produce fruit." When our trust is in God we don't have to be afraid when it get's "hot"; the heat won't phase us, nor will we be consumed with worry when it gets "dry" and in Christ we can still be fruitful in the midst of harsh conditions. God can still use us and work through us while we're yet going through, but we must TRUST. Now about that PET Scan yesterday. That was quite the experience and one that wouldn't mind never having again. After they injected me with the dye to make sure the images show up well, I had to sit for an hour. Before the commencement of the scan, the tech indicated 25mins but I'm wondering if that's just what they tell patients so they won't be thinking about how long they have to be in there because it felt like double that. During the actual scan, I made the mistake of opening my eyes and about halfway through, like better started sinking in the water, I started goin down...feeling closterphobic, mouth dry, shoulders hurting, trying to take deep breaths, I felt a panic coming on. So I started praying, and when it seemed like not even that was helping, I heard the technician say, "Ms. Johnson are you ok?" Isn't that just like God? When it seems like we're going down, sinking...sinking...sinking...He comes to our rescue. After I explained what was going on he allowed me to rest my arms in a different position, and gave me a warm sheet before continuing the scan. God got me through. After the scan was complete and I had gotten dressed I hear the tech say don't get too excited. Come to find out they ran into technical difficulties with the computer system, had to restart the computer and were missing all of the images from the second half of the scan! So they escorted me to a room to wait for them to get everything set up again, which took a minute-I'd say atleast 30+. Thankfully the second time around, God blessed me to sleep through most of the scan. A much more pleasant experience. Thank God for His Grace. He ALWAYS comes through, when we look to Him and we can trust that He will ALWAYS be there. I'm so thankful for how God has continued to be my Sustainer. I was encouraged even further at church as brothers and sisters in Christ shared words of encouragement and as me and another sister were surrounded by many who were at Wednesday night service last night as our pastor prayed over us with the saints touching and agreeing. I found myself trying to encourage those who were shedding tears for us, letting them know I'm alright, not worried and that God's got me. I can feel all of the prayers that are being prayed on my behalf and for that I'm grateful. For every word of encouragement(in person, txt or phone call, emails), every hug and smile; I'm so very thankful and appreciative. Even after choir rehearsal tonight-much love recieved. God is so good and through His people and other ways, I can see His hand at work even now. Our faith must have substance. We can't gain that if we never go through anything. Romans 12:12 says "Rejoicing in hope; patient in tribulation; continuing instant in prayer." That is what I will continue to do with God's help. Towards the end of our Experiencing God course over the summer, I shared with my class that there would come a point when God would test us regarding those things that He spoke to us and taught us during the course. I guess it's my turn but it's a privilege to with God's help lead by example. It's all for His glory. Tomorrow I go back in for the results of the second biopsy (swollen lymph node) and the PET scan. "Blessed is the man that trusteth in the Lord, and whose hope the Lord is." I trust Him. No other Help I know.

10/15/13

I missed playing ball today and had a few of my ball'n buddies who saw me on a cardio machine rather than on the court asked if I was playing. Felt like more than just saying that I would have to catch 'em on Thursday, that I had to share the reason behind it, but also share why I'm not worried and how I know that God's got me. While out of the office yesterday, as I communicated with my supervisor via text and email, I indicated that I would talk to her more about it when I got back to the office. Well today was that day. She mentioned that she didn't know what to say and was in shock when she recieved the news initially because I do all the right things as far as eating and health. But my situation is a case in point that we can eat right and exercise all we want but ultimately it's up to God and that's basically what I shared with her-we do our part but the rest is up to God. My faith is still in my God the same place it was before cancer and the same place it will be all the way through this journey to victory over cancer and where it will be when He has blessed me to overcome. I'm thankful the Lord held me together during the conversation. Sharing news like this with someone face-to-face seeing their facial expression, feeling sad and sorry for you or in shock can be challenging. You can walk in feeling fine and confident then you see them and then it's like "Lord hold me together." But our God is so Faithful. He came through. I was thinking about this evening how it seems as though God has placed around me a great cloud of breast cancer survivor witnesses, who are women of God, who have already in such a short time encouraged me via texts, phone calls, face-to-face, let me know that they're there for me (not just saying it to be nice but who really mean it) and are praying for me. God is so GOOD, always looking out for His children and reminding them that He's there, that He knows and that He cares. God continues to prove His love for me,that He's with me every step of the way and that He is my Provider and will not fall short of that. That's our Heavenly Father, the Greatest Father of all-time. PET Scan in the morning...time to call it a night.

biopsy #2, & BRAC-Still Encouraged

My quiet time this morning ended with Romans 11:36, which says, "For everything comes from Him and exists by His Power and is intended for His glory. All glory to Him forever! Amen" (NLT) that really resonated with me considering this new territory that God is leading me through. Yet another reminder that He is with me. Sometimes if we're not careful; if we don't keep our guard up, we can lose sight of the fact of one of te main purposes of our life-God's glory. Our life is not about us, it's not about being comfortable all of the time, it's meant for God's glory. It's all about the One Who made us and Sustains us. I believe that through this battle with breast cancer and the Victory that He will give me over breast cancer will give Him glory. God is able to get the glory in our battles when we choose to allow God to be our Commander, applying Proverbs 3:5-6 "Trust in The Lord with all thine heart and lean not on thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge Him and He shall direct thy paths."

Today was the 2nd biopsy which I mentioned in the previous post. This 1 was done on a lymph node that was swollen. prayerfully the results will reveal that its just inflamed and benign. Before the procedure one of the assistants tried to encouragem me saying cancer is not what it used to be and that we were gonna beat it. i had to quickly chime in and assure her that i was not worry because this did not take God by surprise and that nothing comes into my life without His permission. when we know Who is in control, Who it is that allowed it we can be confident that Everything is going to be alright and it will be more than a feeling that eerything is going to be alright. we can say we know and beliebe everything is gonna be alright. God blessed the procedure to go well. Me and the radiologist talked suing most alot during this biospy as we did suring the 1st one. Having a radiologist who likes to talk and joke ( as long as it doesnt distract them from the task at hand) really helps one get through the procedure. there were 2 assistants this time, one of which was holding my hand the whole time and telling me to squeeze if anything hurt. Well this was kind of funny because I felt like she was squeezing my hand harder than I was squeezing hers lol. Then towards the end she said I was gripping kind of tight, I guess I was squeezing hard than I thought. Lol  I had to have blood drawn for the BRACS test following the biopsy. The dr. requested this because of my age (29), which is young for a breast cancer diagnosis. I'm thankful this time they were able to get it with one stick. Last Friday they stuck me multiple times but were unsuccessful with each attempt. You better believe I was drinking that water and parting this time around; God took care of the rest and I am thankful. Blessed again by the presence of my daddy and to be able to spend some quality time with him after finishing up at the dr. I'm also very grateful and blessed by others including my mom ad dad in Cali who have shown their love and support- mom, "adopted" fam who've taken time out of their day to be with me at an appointment and for all friends and fam who've been praying for me and encouraging me via txts, phone calls. With that in addition to knowing and believing God is with me, I can't help but to continue to be encouraged, joyful and to keep on keeping on as the saying goes. This Wednesday is the PET scan. God Bless & KTF